Growing Up

I know I am bad at keeping this place up to date. I also know I'm not the best blogger in the world or at all. I don't remember the reason why I started this at all, but I guess I feel like I should keep it going because it's the one place where I can be honest. It's the one place where I can reach out to people in a way that doesn't involve confrontation or screaming or anything ridiculous. I have considered shutting this place down though, my feelings on that are not yet decided.

There has been a lot of drama going on in my life lately, a week's worth to be exact and I'm exhausted in all forms. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I took the constructive course of action though, I made the decision to be the better person, to rectify the situations and take responsibility for my own actions. I guess there's honesty in that. I'm just fed up with being angry, fed up and pissed off. I'm so over it. We hurt people and we get hurt, it's what happens and we just have to learn to deal with that whichever way we can.

So that's what I'm doing. Dealing with it in my way. I might be hurt or upset, but I'm taking the course of action that helps me. I'm enjoying myself with my friends and just trying to live. I want to be happy. I want to be a better, happy, stronger person and that takes courage. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm growing up now. I'm 19 years old and I would have said I was pretty grown up beyond my years, but in all honesty, I'm not.

This time last year, I was a lost little girl. People have since came into my life and taught me valuable life lessons, ones that come to play in everyday situations. Things have happened in my life, maybe not the way I would have hoped it to go, but it happened and I'm here and I'm dealing with it, in a mature grown up kind of way. Sometimes, I'll get mad and angry and upset, but that's human nature and for that, I hope I can be forgiven.

I don't really have a point with this entry, I just wanted to make a post, to let you know I'm changing, I'm not the person I once was, I'm growing up, becoming who I'm supposed to be and I hope that you can still accept me for who I am, regardless of whatever changes within me or whatnot. I once read that the key to happiness is to accept yourself before others can accept you, love yourself before others can love you and you will become the most desired and desirable person you can be.

So here I go and try to accept myself, love myself for who I am, flaws included, in hope, that happiness will follow, and if it doesn't? I'm sure there'll be a valuable life lesson in the journey somewhere. So wherever you are, whoever you are, I hope that you are happy today and everyday for the rest of your life for that, is the most desirable feeling of all.

Here Comes 2009

Well, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and that Santa was good :). I've been doing a bit of thinking lately and as you do around this time of year, some reflection. My life has recently taken some unexpected turns but they've made me feel better and eased my sense of unease if you get me. I was writing a private journal entry just the other day, when a whole load of stuff came out unexpectedly and so I'm going to paste it here because I feel it is apt. Before I do that, I want to wish you a Happy New Year and may 2009 be a better and brighter year for all of us and I will see you in January :).

Talking of the New Year, I have big plans for 2009 and lots of them. Nanowrimo taught me something that I never thought I would learn. Every year, thousands of us make resolutions, that we plan to do something different, be someone different, try new things, loose weight, meet new people and every year most of us fail at those things because we don't try, or we run out of time or life just gets in the way. The thing is, if you really wanted to do those things, you would say bollocks to any excuse your brain comes up with and do them anyway. It's not about saying you'll do them and writing them down, it's about putting your actions where your mouth is, it's about determination.

Never in my life did I think I would write a 50 000 word novel, but I did and it's sitting there in a folder all tucked away (and backed up to hell). I started Nanowrimo a week late, I wrote 50 000 words in 3 weeks, it wasn't easy, I lost sleep and I stressed out and I even had arguments with friends, but in the end, it was my determination, my motivation that got me across the finish line with hours to spare.

Life isn't about sitting back and letting the winds of fate take control, it's about making ourselves happy, it's about living to the full. The reason we fail to meet our NYRs every year is because we aren't determined enough to do them. I know, come New Years morning, most of us will have broken the things we vowed to do at midnight and probably because we partied until the small hours and don't wake until the late afternoon and also because we didn't care enough to really keep them. We believe it's just a silly new year tradition and on we go with life, never changing or doing things that we vowed we would do.

A wise friend once said to me, Why wait until the New Year to start again? He was right, it's not just the new year when we can start again. If we were really unhappy and really determined, we could drop our lives and run for the hills or wherever we so wish to run. We could do it but we just don't because we consider everything else, our friends, our family, which of course are important, but isn't being happy important too? I'm sure if your friends and family loved you enough, they would support your decision and though it may come as a shock, given time they'll get over it and they'll be glad that your happy. Isn't that what it's really all about? About being happy?

And so, as the New Year looms ahead, we may or may not make Resolutions which we may or may not stick too, but just know, it's about determination and happiness and not the simple fulfilling of a sentence written down on paper for the sake of it.

All my wishes and more adventures to come in the year ahead,
Sami & The City.