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Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Monday, 23 March 2009
This Is What I Know Now.
Well, this entry is going to be my last for a while. It's a goodbye to you, my readers, and to a few others who will read between the lines and hopefully understand.
I'm stopping writing here for a while because my entries seem to have become more about my personal life than I had hoped. That's not what I started this blog for. So, I'm going to take some time out, get to know myself and write things my way. I'll probably move sites or re-do this one and start again, but don't worry I'll keep you updated when progress is made.
So, I titled this entry 'This is What I know Now' because over the past few months, I have learnt a hell of a lot and well, in this goodbye, there are things that I know now, things that I will take with me wherever I go. I guess, in some ways, I expected the things I know now, and in some I didn't. But that's one of the things I know now, that you should expect the unexpected, things will happen regardless of whether you want them to or not and although you should try and find the best in people, to have a little faith in humanity, people will let you down and hurt you and that's just something none of us can escape.
Another thing about people is that they come and they go. It's kind of something that happens in life. You made friends in primary school and secondary and with every moment within your life, and then you say Goodbye to those people and meet new ones. That is what has happened, or well, is happening in my life at the moment. It's not that we want to stop being friends, it's just that we've changed. I took a big leap out of people's lives and other people stepped in to fill my place and people have filled theirs. That's just how it goes. So, we get up and we move on because that's the only thing we can do. And sure, I might not have as much fun as I used to, or I might not do the things I used to do, but I do different things and I have different fun. It's kind of what growing up is.
Other people in your life might not understand what you're doing or saying, or even understand you at all, no one said you had to make sense, but one day in the future they might experience something similar and then they'll understand that you did what you had to do. Yes, I am sorry that things have to happen this way, but they just do because I can't be who I was and I can't pretend, so I'm getting up, walking away and moving on and you will do it too and maybe we'll stop and chat when we see each other in the street and we will still have that connection, or that coffee, for old times sake but that's all it will ever be. And yes, I'm aware that these new people are going to hurt and upset me, hell they already have, but like I said, that's what happens.
So this is what I know now. I know that we're all changing and we have to let each other go in order to move forward. I know that we will all look back with fondness and cherish each memory and the time that we have shared. I also know that we will look forward with a smile, that we will move on and learn that this is how life goes. I also know, that we wish each other well. So, react to this if you want, but this is how I feel and I won't apologise for that. I don't know what else to say about this situation, I wish you all well my friends.
The final thing I know now is, this is goodbye and I will return when I've made progress and fixed some things that need to be fixed. So, take care and enjoy!
Sami & The City.
I'm stopping writing here for a while because my entries seem to have become more about my personal life than I had hoped. That's not what I started this blog for. So, I'm going to take some time out, get to know myself and write things my way. I'll probably move sites or re-do this one and start again, but don't worry I'll keep you updated when progress is made.
So, I titled this entry 'This is What I know Now' because over the past few months, I have learnt a hell of a lot and well, in this goodbye, there are things that I know now, things that I will take with me wherever I go. I guess, in some ways, I expected the things I know now, and in some I didn't. But that's one of the things I know now, that you should expect the unexpected, things will happen regardless of whether you want them to or not and although you should try and find the best in people, to have a little faith in humanity, people will let you down and hurt you and that's just something none of us can escape.
Another thing about people is that they come and they go. It's kind of something that happens in life. You made friends in primary school and secondary and with every moment within your life, and then you say Goodbye to those people and meet new ones. That is what has happened, or well, is happening in my life at the moment. It's not that we want to stop being friends, it's just that we've changed. I took a big leap out of people's lives and other people stepped in to fill my place and people have filled theirs. That's just how it goes. So, we get up and we move on because that's the only thing we can do. And sure, I might not have as much fun as I used to, or I might not do the things I used to do, but I do different things and I have different fun. It's kind of what growing up is.
Other people in your life might not understand what you're doing or saying, or even understand you at all, no one said you had to make sense, but one day in the future they might experience something similar and then they'll understand that you did what you had to do. Yes, I am sorry that things have to happen this way, but they just do because I can't be who I was and I can't pretend, so I'm getting up, walking away and moving on and you will do it too and maybe we'll stop and chat when we see each other in the street and we will still have that connection, or that coffee, for old times sake but that's all it will ever be. And yes, I'm aware that these new people are going to hurt and upset me, hell they already have, but like I said, that's what happens.
So this is what I know now. I know that we're all changing and we have to let each other go in order to move forward. I know that we will all look back with fondness and cherish each memory and the time that we have shared. I also know that we will look forward with a smile, that we will move on and learn that this is how life goes. I also know, that we wish each other well. So, react to this if you want, but this is how I feel and I won't apologise for that. I don't know what else to say about this situation, I wish you all well my friends.
The final thing I know now is, this is goodbye and I will return when I've made progress and fixed some things that need to be fixed. So, take care and enjoy!
Sami & The City.
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Mistakes & Rewriting.
As I write this, it has just turned 2am, I am in the University Library and I'm supposed to be doing work on Feminist Media Theory. I've given up for the night and I'm simply waiting on my housemate to finish her work so we can walk back together, in the pouring rain nonetheless.
It is not often I contemplate how my life is, I tend to just go with whatevers flowing, for I know that when I take the two steps back and look at it, I get one of those, wtf feelings, how did I end up here and now and what the hell did I do that for, you know?
But some recent events have lead me along this path, after highly considering leaving Uni I had to contemplate what else to do with my life and really, I don't know what my options are. There are times in life when I would love to jump on a plane, move forward and never look back. Although I say it, I know I will never do it, although the goodbyes will be hard, I'd prefer to stay on the good side of my family and friends so we can keep in touch wherever in the world I chose to be. Anyway, that's not really what my point is.
A few weeks back, I was told twice in one week that I was a mistake. Now, I didn't like being thought of as a mistake and it was quite a hurtful comment but hey, that's how those people view me. I was simply a mistake, a thing that happened that shouldn't have and now they are moving on to so-called "bigger and better things". Well, their loss really isn't it? If you're going to view me as a piece of vermon on your mistakes list, then clearly you aren't worth my time in the first place. Although, I hate to admit it, I do take great pleasure in knowing that I had them first and everyone else is my sloppy seconds. Hate to break it to you, darling, but it's the truth, so go ahead and hate me and make me a mistake. Better to be a mistake than to be a fool.
As well as considering how I'm a mistake, I've considered how and if I could maybe correct this view of myself in that person's eyes. This caused me to think about who I am to different people and how I acted toward them. With an old friend popping back into my life, the timing could not have been better to conisder this. Every week in our lives can be seen as another chapter in the book that is being written that documents who and what we are and how we chose to live. Sometimes the chapter lasts more than one week and somtimes the chapter closes and we store it away, with our feelings amongst it.
Sometimes we decide to trash that chapter and never think about it again, put it in the garbage can so to speak. However, every once in a while through some magical, divine, or supernatual power, a chapter can re-open or be re-written. We can re-write our story, right the wrongs, correct the fine print and spelling mistakes and make that chapter one that helps make the book onto the best-seller list. So at the end of the day, I might be a mistake in one chapter of your life, but maybe one day, I'll right that wrong, I'll be somebody who made a difference, who made you see something differently and if not, then well, at least I'm god damn something, eh?
It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, or so they say :P.
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Define Yourself.
Recently, I've been thinking about who I am, about all the things that define me. For example, I'm a girl, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a writer, a student, a blogger and many other things. I've been going through each of these things then in turn and seeing how well I fit into that category. Some of them are obvious, the girl for example. Others are a little more complicated, like calling myself a writer.
Sure, I write things, but most of the time they sit there and stare back at me and no one else ever gets to see them. So my plan for improvement is to write more and be a better writer and share my work with those around me and eventually, with the world in general. That way when someone asks me how to define myself and I say 'I'm a writer' I will have some proof of that to show to that person.
The real thing that's been bothering me about who I am as a person is the fact that people seem to throw fits because I'm being myself. Take a recent example, I got a little annoyed about something and now the whole dynamic of the group has changed and how people see me has changed. I'm still me, I always was me, I just happened to show the side of me where I got annoyed at something. You can't deny that people get annoyed, it's a course of nature, If I do something that pisses you off, obviously you're going to get pissed off, you know what I'm saying?
I took the better approach to the situation and I apologised for being a dickhead about it, in hope that some sort of rectification of the situation would improve the mood all-round, but after that things got worse. If we go with the old saying, things get worse before they get better, that's how I feel right now. There's still something in the pit of my stomach that tells me that things aren't right, that the way we function is now dysfunctional. You know when things change and how you know it can't ever be the same again? That's how this situation seems to be and I guess I'm a little a sad, or nostalgic or something, but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm the one who's gone and screwed us all over because it was me who got annoyed, maybe I'm paranoid because everyone else is just getting on with it and I'm trying to do the same, but it's still eating away at me.
Maybe It's just because I care too much, or I'm simply a "headcase" as some would describe it, regardless, I'm trying my hardest to get on with it, but it bothers me to no end and I've been close to getting up and walking away from everything I've built, but my sensibility stops me (thank god for that!). So, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, to say, Here I am, this is me and I won't apologise for that and so rather appropriately, I'm going to leave you with this;
Sure, I write things, but most of the time they sit there and stare back at me and no one else ever gets to see them. So my plan for improvement is to write more and be a better writer and share my work with those around me and eventually, with the world in general. That way when someone asks me how to define myself and I say 'I'm a writer' I will have some proof of that to show to that person.
The real thing that's been bothering me about who I am as a person is the fact that people seem to throw fits because I'm being myself. Take a recent example, I got a little annoyed about something and now the whole dynamic of the group has changed and how people see me has changed. I'm still me, I always was me, I just happened to show the side of me where I got annoyed at something. You can't deny that people get annoyed, it's a course of nature, If I do something that pisses you off, obviously you're going to get pissed off, you know what I'm saying?
I took the better approach to the situation and I apologised for being a dickhead about it, in hope that some sort of rectification of the situation would improve the mood all-round, but after that things got worse. If we go with the old saying, things get worse before they get better, that's how I feel right now. There's still something in the pit of my stomach that tells me that things aren't right, that the way we function is now dysfunctional. You know when things change and how you know it can't ever be the same again? That's how this situation seems to be and I guess I'm a little a sad, or nostalgic or something, but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm the one who's gone and screwed us all over because it was me who got annoyed, maybe I'm paranoid because everyone else is just getting on with it and I'm trying to do the same, but it's still eating away at me.
Maybe It's just because I care too much, or I'm simply a "headcase" as some would describe it, regardless, I'm trying my hardest to get on with it, but it bothers me to no end and I've been close to getting up and walking away from everything I've built, but my sensibility stops me (thank god for that!). So, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, to say, Here I am, this is me and I won't apologise for that and so rather appropriately, I'm going to leave you with this;
"Never apologise for showing feeling, for when you do, you apologise for the truth"
Thursday, 19 February 2009
Growing Up
I know I am bad at keeping this place up to date. I also know I'm not the best blogger in the world or at all. I don't remember the reason why I started this at all, but I guess I feel like I should keep it going because it's the one place where I can be honest. It's the one place where I can reach out to people in a way that doesn't involve confrontation or screaming or anything ridiculous. I have considered shutting this place down though, my feelings on that are not yet decided.
There has been a lot of drama going on in my life lately, a week's worth to be exact and I'm exhausted in all forms. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I took the constructive course of action though, I made the decision to be the better person, to rectify the situations and take responsibility for my own actions. I guess there's honesty in that. I'm just fed up with being angry, fed up and pissed off. I'm so over it. We hurt people and we get hurt, it's what happens and we just have to learn to deal with that whichever way we can.
So that's what I'm doing. Dealing with it in my way. I might be hurt or upset, but I'm taking the course of action that helps me. I'm enjoying myself with my friends and just trying to live. I want to be happy. I want to be a better, happy, stronger person and that takes courage. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm growing up now. I'm 19 years old and I would have said I was pretty grown up beyond my years, but in all honesty, I'm not.
This time last year, I was a lost little girl. People have since came into my life and taught me valuable life lessons, ones that come to play in everyday situations. Things have happened in my life, maybe not the way I would have hoped it to go, but it happened and I'm here and I'm dealing with it, in a mature grown up kind of way. Sometimes, I'll get mad and angry and upset, but that's human nature and for that, I hope I can be forgiven.
I don't really have a point with this entry, I just wanted to make a post, to let you know I'm changing, I'm not the person I once was, I'm growing up, becoming who I'm supposed to be and I hope that you can still accept me for who I am, regardless of whatever changes within me or whatnot. I once read that the key to happiness is to accept yourself before others can accept you, love yourself before others can love you and you will become the most desired and desirable person you can be.
So here I go and try to accept myself, love myself for who I am, flaws included, in hope, that happiness will follow, and if it doesn't? I'm sure there'll be a valuable life lesson in the journey somewhere. So wherever you are, whoever you are, I hope that you are happy today and everyday for the rest of your life for that, is the most desirable feeling of all.
There has been a lot of drama going on in my life lately, a week's worth to be exact and I'm exhausted in all forms. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I took the constructive course of action though, I made the decision to be the better person, to rectify the situations and take responsibility for my own actions. I guess there's honesty in that. I'm just fed up with being angry, fed up and pissed off. I'm so over it. We hurt people and we get hurt, it's what happens and we just have to learn to deal with that whichever way we can.
So that's what I'm doing. Dealing with it in my way. I might be hurt or upset, but I'm taking the course of action that helps me. I'm enjoying myself with my friends and just trying to live. I want to be happy. I want to be a better, happy, stronger person and that takes courage. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm growing up now. I'm 19 years old and I would have said I was pretty grown up beyond my years, but in all honesty, I'm not.
This time last year, I was a lost little girl. People have since came into my life and taught me valuable life lessons, ones that come to play in everyday situations. Things have happened in my life, maybe not the way I would have hoped it to go, but it happened and I'm here and I'm dealing with it, in a mature grown up kind of way. Sometimes, I'll get mad and angry and upset, but that's human nature and for that, I hope I can be forgiven.
I don't really have a point with this entry, I just wanted to make a post, to let you know I'm changing, I'm not the person I once was, I'm growing up, becoming who I'm supposed to be and I hope that you can still accept me for who I am, regardless of whatever changes within me or whatnot. I once read that the key to happiness is to accept yourself before others can accept you, love yourself before others can love you and you will become the most desired and desirable person you can be.
So here I go and try to accept myself, love myself for who I am, flaws included, in hope, that happiness will follow, and if it doesn't? I'm sure there'll be a valuable life lesson in the journey somewhere. So wherever you are, whoever you are, I hope that you are happy today and everyday for the rest of your life for that, is the most desirable feeling of all.
Wednesday, 11 February 2009
"So, This is My Life..."
"I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be".
This describes how I feel right now :).
I promise a better update when I can be bothered/have time/am not drunk.
This describes how I feel right now :).
I promise a better update when I can be bothered/have time/am not drunk.
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
Life's Journey.
These past few days have been stressful and exhausting and my plan of going back to Uni and not worrying about anything epic failed in a most spectacular fashion.
I *almost* got kicked out of my house for something I didn't do, but somehow managed to get out of it which I am 100% thankful and appreciative of. Now, all I have to do is worry about my housemate who is in a very similar situation.
Suprisingly, I've been back at Uni for three days and have not yet attended class, I had friends find out the info I needed though so I know whats going on - friends are win ;P.
I am feeling rather pensive right now, due to the fact that it's Sunny out, there is a nice breeze blowing and birds chirping too. It feels like a nice summer afternoon, all we need is a barbecue followed by some ice cream and a trip to the beach - all which are probably possible.
I'm trying my damnedest not to think about all the men involved in my life at the moment - those who have come and gone, those who are still lingering around, those of recent days and those who I actually feel for. It's damn hard though when you have time on your hands and nothing to fill it with.
Maybe I should allow myself time to think about it, sort it all out in my head, or maybe I should just get some rest, then have some fun and chillax with some friends. I just don't know how I should feel, and I wish someone else would tell me how they feel too, so maybe I could find a reaction that lets me know what to feel.
I guess I should just go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen. After all, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
I *almost* got kicked out of my house for something I didn't do, but somehow managed to get out of it which I am 100% thankful and appreciative of. Now, all I have to do is worry about my housemate who is in a very similar situation.
Suprisingly, I've been back at Uni for three days and have not yet attended class, I had friends find out the info I needed though so I know whats going on - friends are win ;P.
I am feeling rather pensive right now, due to the fact that it's Sunny out, there is a nice breeze blowing and birds chirping too. It feels like a nice summer afternoon, all we need is a barbecue followed by some ice cream and a trip to the beach - all which are probably possible.
I'm trying my damnedest not to think about all the men involved in my life at the moment - those who have come and gone, those who are still lingering around, those of recent days and those who I actually feel for. It's damn hard though when you have time on your hands and nothing to fill it with.
Maybe I should allow myself time to think about it, sort it all out in my head, or maybe I should just get some rest, then have some fun and chillax with some friends. I just don't know how I should feel, and I wish someone else would tell me how they feel too, so maybe I could find a reaction that lets me know what to feel.
I guess I should just go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen. After all, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.
Monday, 12 January 2009
What A Week!
You know, it's only been 9 days since my last post and it feels like forever. So much has happened since then, mainly in the past few days.
I had my first exam last week which went suprisingly well for having not revised and reading up on the books on sparknotes the night before. Ohh yeah look at me go :P. I also had an exam this morning, which I finished within the first hour and left as soon as I could. I'm currently in the Uni library waiting on all the other dudes to finish so we can go for lunch and do fun things.
My exams are now over and my coursework is basically done, I just have to print some stuff and then put the audio files on a disk and we'll be flying. This means I can come on Wednesday since I can hand in my coursework early. Yay, an extra day of tidying and preparing for the weekend. I'm having a party bisnatches, you know where it's at. If you want an invite, talk to me :P.
Now my exams are over and coursework's done, theres only one thing left for me to worry about. The disaplinary interview I have tomorrow morning, to do with the small fire that may have occured in my Uni house. Yeah, it's hilairous isn't it? I did laugh, but now I'm worried, I shall live, though possibly not in that house anymore (yeah, it's that serious!).
You know, only I could make it through the first semester with a broken bed, several hundred water fights, a formal warning for a party and a small fire in my house. You wanna try? Go for it. But trust me, the trouble and worrying definitely isn't worth it!
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Kryptonite
Last night, in a drunken slumber, a friend and I were chatting endlessly about life, death and everything in between. We got onto the delightful topic of relationships and started spilling our guts and our hearts - or whats left of them rather.
We started using some rather strange sayings, that maybe not everyone will understand but the general idea is there and if you are really incompetent then google is your best friend.
He described one of his relationships with someone to be like Kryptonite. A relationship that is entirely bad for you, but you can't seem to escape it. It's always there, finding a way to wrap itself into your life and kill you small inches at a time. In the end though, superman always survives, so I guess the moral of the story is, we will survive that chip of Kryptonite that is injected into our skin regardless of the pain or the amount of time it's left inside us.
It made me realise, like superman's kryptonite and Edward Cullen's heroin, we all have our weaknesses. Be it a shiny green crystal, or a human girl. None of us are perfect, we're all flawed and scarred and all we're really trying to do is live. The world is one large screwed up place and all we can do is try to survive as best we can while fulfilling our own needs as well as deal with whatever life throws in our way.
None of us get out of this alive and when you think about it like that, it makes you wonder why you bother worrying and stressing out half the time. But we do it anyway, because we're only human and that's just how we work. I don't really know what my point is to be honest, I just feel that this needed to be said.
It brings to mind the Sunscreen song, which was actually a speech given to an alumni class but has been put to music by Baz Luhrman. If you're having one of those human days when you feel shitey about everything, I suggest you give this song a listen. It may or may not help, but I enjoy it so maybe it's worth a try, right?
Oh and, Happy 2009 my friends, may this year be better and brighter for all of us :)
We started using some rather strange sayings, that maybe not everyone will understand but the general idea is there and if you are really incompetent then google is your best friend.
He described one of his relationships with someone to be like Kryptonite. A relationship that is entirely bad for you, but you can't seem to escape it. It's always there, finding a way to wrap itself into your life and kill you small inches at a time. In the end though, superman always survives, so I guess the moral of the story is, we will survive that chip of Kryptonite that is injected into our skin regardless of the pain or the amount of time it's left inside us.
It made me realise, like superman's kryptonite and Edward Cullen's heroin, we all have our weaknesses. Be it a shiny green crystal, or a human girl. None of us are perfect, we're all flawed and scarred and all we're really trying to do is live. The world is one large screwed up place and all we can do is try to survive as best we can while fulfilling our own needs as well as deal with whatever life throws in our way.
None of us get out of this alive and when you think about it like that, it makes you wonder why you bother worrying and stressing out half the time. But we do it anyway, because we're only human and that's just how we work. I don't really know what my point is to be honest, I just feel that this needed to be said.
It brings to mind the Sunscreen song, which was actually a speech given to an alumni class but has been put to music by Baz Luhrman. If you're having one of those human days when you feel shitey about everything, I suggest you give this song a listen. It may or may not help, but I enjoy it so maybe it's worth a try, right?
Oh and, Happy 2009 my friends, may this year be better and brighter for all of us :)
Monday, 29 December 2008
Here Comes 2009
Well, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and that Santa was good :). I've been doing a bit of thinking lately and as you do around this time of year, some reflection. My life has recently taken some unexpected turns but they've made me feel better and eased my sense of unease if you get me. I was writing a private journal entry just the other day, when a whole load of stuff came out unexpectedly and so I'm going to paste it here because I feel it is apt. Before I do that, I want to wish you a Happy New Year and may 2009 be a better and brighter year for all of us and I will see you in January :).
Talking of the New Year, I have big plans for 2009 and lots of them. Nanowrimo taught me something that I never thought I would learn. Every year, thousands of us make resolutions, that we plan to do something different, be someone different, try new things, loose weight, meet new people and every year most of us fail at those things because we don't try, or we run out of time or life just gets in the way. The thing is, if you really wanted to do those things, you would say bollocks to any excuse your brain comes up with and do them anyway. It's not about saying you'll do them and writing them down, it's about putting your actions where your mouth is, it's about determination.
Never in my life did I think I would write a 50 000 word novel, but I did and it's sitting there in a folder all tucked away (and backed up to hell). I started Nanowrimo a week late, I wrote 50 000 words in 3 weeks, it wasn't easy, I lost sleep and I stressed out and I even had arguments with friends, but in the end, it was my determination, my motivation that got me across the finish line with hours to spare.
Life isn't about sitting back and letting the winds of fate take control, it's about making ourselves happy, it's about living to the full. The reason we fail to meet our NYRs every year is because we aren't determined enough to do them. I know, come New Years morning, most of us will have broken the things we vowed to do at midnight and probably because we partied until the small hours and don't wake until the late afternoon and also because we didn't care enough to really keep them. We believe it's just a silly new year tradition and on we go with life, never changing or doing things that we vowed we would do.
A wise friend once said to me, Why wait until the New Year to start again? He was right, it's not just the new year when we can start again. If we were really unhappy and really determined, we could drop our lives and run for the hills or wherever we so wish to run. We could do it but we just don't because we consider everything else, our friends, our family, which of course are important, but isn't being happy important too? I'm sure if your friends and family loved you enough, they would support your decision and though it may come as a shock, given time they'll get over it and they'll be glad that your happy. Isn't that what it's really all about? About being happy?
And so, as the New Year looms ahead, we may or may not make Resolutions which we may or may not stick too, but just know, it's about determination and happiness and not the simple fulfilling of a sentence written down on paper for the sake of it.
All my wishes and more adventures to come in the year ahead,
Sami & The City.
Talking of the New Year, I have big plans for 2009 and lots of them. Nanowrimo taught me something that I never thought I would learn. Every year, thousands of us make resolutions, that we plan to do something different, be someone different, try new things, loose weight, meet new people and every year most of us fail at those things because we don't try, or we run out of time or life just gets in the way. The thing is, if you really wanted to do those things, you would say bollocks to any excuse your brain comes up with and do them anyway. It's not about saying you'll do them and writing them down, it's about putting your actions where your mouth is, it's about determination.
Never in my life did I think I would write a 50 000 word novel, but I did and it's sitting there in a folder all tucked away (and backed up to hell). I started Nanowrimo a week late, I wrote 50 000 words in 3 weeks, it wasn't easy, I lost sleep and I stressed out and I even had arguments with friends, but in the end, it was my determination, my motivation that got me across the finish line with hours to spare.
Life isn't about sitting back and letting the winds of fate take control, it's about making ourselves happy, it's about living to the full. The reason we fail to meet our NYRs every year is because we aren't determined enough to do them. I know, come New Years morning, most of us will have broken the things we vowed to do at midnight and probably because we partied until the small hours and don't wake until the late afternoon and also because we didn't care enough to really keep them. We believe it's just a silly new year tradition and on we go with life, never changing or doing things that we vowed we would do.
A wise friend once said to me, Why wait until the New Year to start again? He was right, it's not just the new year when we can start again. If we were really unhappy and really determined, we could drop our lives and run for the hills or wherever we so wish to run. We could do it but we just don't because we consider everything else, our friends, our family, which of course are important, but isn't being happy important too? I'm sure if your friends and family loved you enough, they would support your decision and though it may come as a shock, given time they'll get over it and they'll be glad that your happy. Isn't that what it's really all about? About being happy?
And so, as the New Year looms ahead, we may or may not make Resolutions which we may or may not stick too, but just know, it's about determination and happiness and not the simple fulfilling of a sentence written down on paper for the sake of it.
All my wishes and more adventures to come in the year ahead,
Sami & The City.
Wednesday, 24 December 2008
Merry Christmas
I just wanted to make a small post to wish you all a Merry Christmas from me and mine to you and yours :)
Hopefully I'll post again before it turns 2009 so I can wish you a Happy New Year then, but if not then Happy New Year and I'll see you in 2009!
Enjoy the turkey :)
Sami & The City
Hopefully I'll post again before it turns 2009 so I can wish you a Happy New Year then, but if not then Happy New Year and I'll see you in 2009!
Enjoy the turkey :)
Sami & The City
Saturday, 13 December 2008
A Winter Cold
I know I said I'd try to update once a week and I failed that last week, but I took ill and I was in bed for four days basically trying to nurse myself better. Though I am feeling a lot better, my health has not fully restored and so you're lucky to be getting this entry :P.
I really haven't been doing much. I went back to Uni on Tuesday this week as I had work to hand in and I wanted to see everyone before Christmas. It was nice to spend some time there again, I had begun to feel like I had dreamt it's entire existence. It's weird how attached I am now to that life, the one that I built all by myself. No parents there to guide me, just me, the flat, the flatmates, classes and an instinct to make myself a life and I did it.
I 100% did it. I have friends from class, I handed all my work in on time, I get on with my housemates and life is pretty decent. Of course, I'm home now for Christmas break and apart from my two exams, I'm pretty much here until February. So deal with it bitches. Sami has returned to the city. As sad as I am that I've put my handmade life on hold for a month or two, I am grateful to be spending Christmas with friends and family and It gives me time to re kindle my relationship with the city.
Afterall, this blog is based on my adventures there, beneath the big city lights. So here's to a month full of adventure for you to read about - adventures of Sami and the City.
Enjoy!
I really haven't been doing much. I went back to Uni on Tuesday this week as I had work to hand in and I wanted to see everyone before Christmas. It was nice to spend some time there again, I had begun to feel like I had dreamt it's entire existence. It's weird how attached I am now to that life, the one that I built all by myself. No parents there to guide me, just me, the flat, the flatmates, classes and an instinct to make myself a life and I did it.
I 100% did it. I have friends from class, I handed all my work in on time, I get on with my housemates and life is pretty decent. Of course, I'm home now for Christmas break and apart from my two exams, I'm pretty much here until February. So deal with it bitches. Sami has returned to the city. As sad as I am that I've put my handmade life on hold for a month or two, I am grateful to be spending Christmas with friends and family and It gives me time to re kindle my relationship with the city.
Afterall, this blog is based on my adventures there, beneath the big city lights. So here's to a month full of adventure for you to read about - adventures of Sami and the City.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, 2 December 2008
30 Days Later
So, we all know about my NaNoWriMo win, today marks my 30th post of NaBloPomo. That's a blog everyday for the month. I don't know if I can continue this, I've been neglecting coursework and such, but I'll try to at least post once a week, maybe more, if your lucky.
I'm sure that you can tell from my recent posts that I've been on the down and out with regards to my friends - well the down and out became the up and away today as we finally spoke and sorted things out. I never stopped caring, neither did they, so we're all good. Just a misunderstanding, as per usual.
I'm glad that we've sorted it out, I didn't want to be alone this Christmas. By the way, any offers for kisses under mistletoe? I could really do with some ;P
I'm sure that you can tell from my recent posts that I've been on the down and out with regards to my friends - well the down and out became the up and away today as we finally spoke and sorted things out. I never stopped caring, neither did they, so we're all good. Just a misunderstanding, as per usual.
I'm glad that we've sorted it out, I didn't want to be alone this Christmas. By the way, any offers for kisses under mistletoe? I could really do with some ;P
Monday, 1 December 2008
This Is My Life Now.
I was sitting around earlier in my University living room and having since discovered that home is a little out of balance right now, I began to think about how much my life has changed. I had my heart and hopes set on going somewhere else but I never got there. My relationship with that place has faltered since and I seem to avoid it as much as is possible.
In September, I was just an 18 year old girl, who passed her A Level Results and was heading off to University, an hour and a half away from home. I remember that very first day we drove down to get my keys for accommodation. My mum and Dad have the same car, though they are no longer together, so we got both the cars and piled it high with everything I was ever going to need. I drove with my mum and my sister drove with my dad. We were like troops traveling in a pack together.
We unpacked, ate together and I kept sending my friends Update texts as the day progressed. I had felt sad when my family left and I was here on my own because none of my housemates had arrived. I spent the first three days by myself and then headed home. I remember going on webcam and showing everyone my new room, how plain and boring and unwelcome it had seemed that very first day.
Now, I've decorated and added my own style to the place, I've made friends and I have changed and grown as a person. I don't miss home that much but I still go home, for my family and I'd like to hope that they still care - my friends. Having recently acquired a new sense of perspective, this really is my life now. I travel back and forth on Fridays and Sundays and I spend my week between reading the twilight series, going to class, having water fights and writing my novel.
Regardless of the fact that I'm not the person I was and I don't live where I have done my entire life, I do enjoy the company here, I enjoy the banter and I don't even mind the classes. Christmas break is fast approaching and I know I'm going to miss being here for a few weeks even though I revel in the fact that I'm in the city, I love the lights and the hustle and bustle, but along with that go the memories and places and people that have been a part of me, that sometimes I want to escape from.
THIS is my life now and I have to accept that, whether or not I want to. My friends and family have to accept it too, life has given me this path, it's not that I wanted it in the first place, but I know I'm on a path to somewhere better, something more than what I know of life as it is. So please, for my sake, accept that things have changed, that this is who I am, what I do, this is my life now and nothing can change that.
In September, I was just an 18 year old girl, who passed her A Level Results and was heading off to University, an hour and a half away from home. I remember that very first day we drove down to get my keys for accommodation. My mum and Dad have the same car, though they are no longer together, so we got both the cars and piled it high with everything I was ever going to need. I drove with my mum and my sister drove with my dad. We were like troops traveling in a pack together.
We unpacked, ate together and I kept sending my friends Update texts as the day progressed. I had felt sad when my family left and I was here on my own because none of my housemates had arrived. I spent the first three days by myself and then headed home. I remember going on webcam and showing everyone my new room, how plain and boring and unwelcome it had seemed that very first day.
Now, I've decorated and added my own style to the place, I've made friends and I have changed and grown as a person. I don't miss home that much but I still go home, for my family and I'd like to hope that they still care - my friends. Having recently acquired a new sense of perspective, this really is my life now. I travel back and forth on Fridays and Sundays and I spend my week between reading the twilight series, going to class, having water fights and writing my novel.
Regardless of the fact that I'm not the person I was and I don't live where I have done my entire life, I do enjoy the company here, I enjoy the banter and I don't even mind the classes. Christmas break is fast approaching and I know I'm going to miss being here for a few weeks even though I revel in the fact that I'm in the city, I love the lights and the hustle and bustle, but along with that go the memories and places and people that have been a part of me, that sometimes I want to escape from.
THIS is my life now and I have to accept that, whether or not I want to. My friends and family have to accept it too, life has given me this path, it's not that I wanted it in the first place, but I know I'm on a path to somewhere better, something more than what I know of life as it is. So please, for my sake, accept that things have changed, that this is who I am, what I do, this is my life now and nothing can change that.
Sunday, 30 November 2008
NaNoWriMo Update 3
*VICTORY DANCE*
Yes, my friends, I traveled the seven seas and made it back and wrote a magnificent 50 000 words in 30 days! My novel is not yet done but 50 000 words is pretty amazing! So now I'm quite happy with myself and I am going to partake in NaNoFiMo - National Novel Finishing Month! And just in case you don't believe me, my username on nanowrimo.org is paperdollx - go look at that purple bar that says Winner on it and weep bitches!
NaBloPoMo ends today also, however for me it doesn't because I started on 2nd November, my month finishes on the 2nd December. So You will have another two posts for me until that challenge is complete too and I have no doubt I'll succeed, I've made it that far haven't I?
I'm not going to post an exerpt, for the simple fact is I don't want to spoil it for you. To be honest, I am not even a big fan of it myself, I do plan to edit it to hell before I even consider a publisher. So it'll be in the New Year before you see anything from me, though I will indeed, keep you updated.
I'm off now, to unpack, have some tea and relax, the pressure is off!
*Skips off merrily*
Yes, my friends, I traveled the seven seas and made it back and wrote a magnificent 50 000 words in 30 days! My novel is not yet done but 50 000 words is pretty amazing! So now I'm quite happy with myself and I am going to partake in NaNoFiMo - National Novel Finishing Month! And just in case you don't believe me, my username on nanowrimo.org is paperdollx - go look at that purple bar that says Winner on it and weep bitches!
NaBloPoMo ends today also, however for me it doesn't because I started on 2nd November, my month finishes on the 2nd December. So You will have another two posts for me until that challenge is complete too and I have no doubt I'll succeed, I've made it that far haven't I?
I'm not going to post an exerpt, for the simple fact is I don't want to spoil it for you. To be honest, I am not even a big fan of it myself, I do plan to edit it to hell before I even consider a publisher. So it'll be in the New Year before you see anything from me, though I will indeed, keep you updated.
I'm off now, to unpack, have some tea and relax, the pressure is off!
*Skips off merrily*
Saturday, 29 November 2008
If That's The Way It Is.
I have officially been caught in the web of the Twilight series. After finishing Twilight early yesterday evening, I couldn't wait to get out the door and buy New Moon this afternoon. I've had my head stuck in it since, I am annoyed though with the way the story is at the moment.
Amazingly, it's somewhat like my own life story at the minute. Some people appear to have disappeared and I'm waiting not very patiently or numbly, but in a state of annoyance and wonder about whether they are going to come back. It is their choice but they know I'll be waiting, no matter how awkward it is or how annoyed I was.
That's thing about it though, when someone leaves and comes back, it's never the same. It's why you don't date someone twice, because they never change, no matter how much you want them too. I guess there is nothing I can really do right now apart from wait, the ball is in their hands.
But, you know who you are and I know you'll read this. I still care, even if I say that I don't. Of course I do. And I'm sorry if I hurt or upset you, that is obviously not what I intended. I just am a little confused right now. I thought we sorted it out. But if you want this to end, just let me know so I know where I stand. Thanks.
I'm off now to write, hopefully over the finish line in nanowrimo and read some more of New Moon, in hope that it will get better and I'll stop being annoyed with it.
Amazingly, it's somewhat like my own life story at the minute. Some people appear to have disappeared and I'm waiting not very patiently or numbly, but in a state of annoyance and wonder about whether they are going to come back. It is their choice but they know I'll be waiting, no matter how awkward it is or how annoyed I was.
That's thing about it though, when someone leaves and comes back, it's never the same. It's why you don't date someone twice, because they never change, no matter how much you want them too. I guess there is nothing I can really do right now apart from wait, the ball is in their hands.
But, you know who you are and I know you'll read this. I still care, even if I say that I don't. Of course I do. And I'm sorry if I hurt or upset you, that is obviously not what I intended. I just am a little confused right now. I thought we sorted it out. But if you want this to end, just let me know so I know where I stand. Thanks.
I'm off now to write, hopefully over the finish line in nanowrimo and read some more of New Moon, in hope that it will get better and I'll stop being annoyed with it.
Friday, 28 November 2008
Twilight
I started reading the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer yesterday morning. I've had my head stuck into the world of Bella and Edward since then, it really is quite a fascinating story. I love the descriptions of the way Bella feels about Edward, how she describes the electric.
When I read that one scene about her feeling the electric, I had a memory come to my mind. It was a time I too had felt electric. Unfortunately, that electric never went anywhere except the bedroom. Regardless,the memory is one that I cherish, that feeling of lust and desire and well, electric.
When I read that one scene about her feeling the electric, I had a memory come to my mind. It was a time I too had felt electric. Unfortunately, that electric never went anywhere except the bedroom. Regardless,the memory is one that I cherish, that feeling of lust and desire and well, electric.
I hope to finish the first book this evening and I'll probably buy or lend the second one tomorrow. I'm quite intrigued and looking forward to it. Though I've recently heard bad reports, many people are now going off the series due to the movie release ruining it and the fangirls being all well fan-girly about it. Fuck them, if you like it you like it.
Maybe one day, we'll all find our own Edward Cullen too.
Maybe one day, we'll all find our own Edward Cullen too.
Thursday, 27 November 2008
Home.
We all have that one place that we call home. The place we were born and have lived in most of our lives, where our childhood memories our, our young dreams, our scraped knees and broken hearts. There is no place like home.
But what if, you not really by choice, have to move away? You become part of a new set of people, new friends and people you become close to and adopt as a temporary family. It's a home away from home, not because you want it to be but because it has to be. What if you suddenly start enjoying it? It doesn't seem so bad.
I know this because I've done it. I really wasn't ever keen on moving away from home to go to University, unfortunately, life gave me that as a choice that I could follow or I'd not go to University at all. At first, I missed my real home, my family, my friends and the life I left behind and yes, sometimes I still miss it, but not as much. It's not so bad for me because I only live an hour and a half away, home really isn't far, but it's still far enough.
Far enough for me to miss it and at the same time, not. Far enough for bonds to break and hearts to ache. Just far enough. I've grown accustomed now, to my temporary home and I have lightened up and learnt to enjoy it. I guess there is no point moping around all day, you gotta take what's given to you and enjoy it. Otherwise, it's a pretty sad existence.
So regardless, of where you are, or who you miss, or what you no longer have, can do, or feel, just throw caution to the wind and enjoy it and you might actually learn something about yourself.
Take a risk, it's what life's about.
But what if, you not really by choice, have to move away? You become part of a new set of people, new friends and people you become close to and adopt as a temporary family. It's a home away from home, not because you want it to be but because it has to be. What if you suddenly start enjoying it? It doesn't seem so bad.
I know this because I've done it. I really wasn't ever keen on moving away from home to go to University, unfortunately, life gave me that as a choice that I could follow or I'd not go to University at all. At first, I missed my real home, my family, my friends and the life I left behind and yes, sometimes I still miss it, but not as much. It's not so bad for me because I only live an hour and a half away, home really isn't far, but it's still far enough.
Far enough for me to miss it and at the same time, not. Far enough for bonds to break and hearts to ache. Just far enough. I've grown accustomed now, to my temporary home and I have lightened up and learnt to enjoy it. I guess there is no point moping around all day, you gotta take what's given to you and enjoy it. Otherwise, it's a pretty sad existence.
So regardless, of where you are, or who you miss, or what you no longer have, can do, or feel, just throw caution to the wind and enjoy it and you might actually learn something about yourself.
Take a risk, it's what life's about.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Holidays Are Coming.
You always know it's Christmas when you see that famous Coca Cola ad with the trucks and the lights and Santa drinking coke and you hear the little song 'Holidays are coming, Always Coca Cola'. I saw this advert for the first time this year on Saturday during the ad breaks of the X Factor.
I am totally not feeling festive at all this year, in fact I'm slightly Scrooge like. This could be due to the fact that I have coursework deadlines and novel deadlines to meet before I can even think about Christmas shopping or Christmas in general.
I have no clue what to buy anybody, so if there is something you want, tell me in the comments, or email me - make note, I ain't gonna buy everybody, just those people who know who they are.
What is slightly ironic, is the fact that I tend to sing Jingle Bells all year round. Come Christmas, I stop singing it and get all Scrooge like. Awh well.
Bah Humbug, bitches!
I am totally not feeling festive at all this year, in fact I'm slightly Scrooge like. This could be due to the fact that I have coursework deadlines and novel deadlines to meet before I can even think about Christmas shopping or Christmas in general.
I have no clue what to buy anybody, so if there is something you want, tell me in the comments, or email me - make note, I ain't gonna buy everybody, just those people who know who they are.
What is slightly ironic, is the fact that I tend to sing Jingle Bells all year round. Come Christmas, I stop singing it and get all Scrooge like. Awh well.
Bah Humbug, bitches!
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Household
The thing I've noticed recently about my housemates and I is that we've come together more as a household. It was mainly last week, we all helped at the party, we all tidied up and we all went together to the disciplinary and we all told the same story and paid the price for our actions. I liked the fact that we were grouping together for once. Instead of people running off here, there and everywhere.
The good thing is that it has proceeded into this week. Tonight, we all had dinner together and we helped cook and clean. Then my other friend came over and we had yet another water fight, which was fun but we soaked my friend who then had to run off to a romantic double dinner date with his boyfriend and another couple.
We are currently all sitting typing our fingers off, they have an assignment due and I have nanowrimo to keep me occupied until someone attacks me with a highlighter or more water. Hopefully they won't though, I already have the cold!
The good thing is that it has proceeded into this week. Tonight, we all had dinner together and we helped cook and clean. Then my other friend came over and we had yet another water fight, which was fun but we soaked my friend who then had to run off to a romantic double dinner date with his boyfriend and another couple.
We are currently all sitting typing our fingers off, they have an assignment due and I have nanowrimo to keep me occupied until someone attacks me with a highlighter or more water. Hopefully they won't though, I already have the cold!
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