Secrets.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I've been pondering on this statement for quite a while recently. It's a statement that is used at least once everyday somewhere in the world by somebody trying to protect themselves, or to stop themselves from hurting another person. But isn't it the not knowing that hurts? We all have secrets and we all have the right to privacy, but when these secrets involve someone else, is it really a secret? And is it your right to keep it a secret?

By not telling people, you are keeping things botttled up, and talking from experience, bottling things up is never a good idea. Why? Because eventually, you will have bottled so much up that one day your gonna pop the cork(excuse the pun) and just erupt a whole galleon of emotion. And that's when people's worlds seem to come crumbling down, because they've had this build up and build up and then a final release, but in this release all they've done is show that they have made life a little more difficult for themselves than they should have.

Aren't we all encouraged to be honest and open? And isn't 'honesty the best policy?'. And if so, then why do we tell lies? Why do we hide secrets? Is it because we are afraid of hurting someone? Is it because we are afraid of being hurt ourselves? Or is it because we are too embarassed to admit to feeling something we dont want to? Or, is it because we are ashamed of ourselves? Are we keeping secrets to avoid shame and embarassment, or just pure hurt?

Can you live with the guilt (if you are guilty...) of having a secret that could destroy somebody elses whole world? In a matter of seconds, trust can be broken, but in a matter of months it can be re-built. But if someone has been dishonest and broken your trust, can you ever forgive them? You might say that yes, you trust them again, but you know deep inside that you don't and you might never trust them again.

I once ended a relationship on the basis of broken trust. I still talk to the guy as friends, though it is not often. But I don't trust him like I used to and I doubt that I ever will. And yet here I am, sitting wondering what I should do because I've got myself into a bit of a predicament (no, I'm not going to tell you what it is...!).

And having got myself into this predicament, its bringing up issues about myself. Am I really this dishonest disloyal person? Is that really who I want to be? And if not, why don't I come clean? What am I afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And if I am any sort of decent human, wouldn't I, out of pure respect for the other person, tell them that I am shit at life? Am I afraid of loosing them? And even if I want to come clean, how do I do it? Do I sit them down over a coffee and be like "Um, Im sorry but Im a dick?". Or do I tell them via telephone, text, email? How do you go about spilling your secrets?

I don't want to be dishonest. I don't want to be who I seem to have become. Yet, I still can't help wondering if its better for all of us If I lived with my own guilt and left everyone else out of it. This brings me back to my first statement about what you dont know can't hurt you. In matters of the mind and heart, what do you do when you have a secret that should be spilled but you just cant seem to spill it?