Forget California, Manhattan Here We Come.

Ever since I was able to stand on my own two feet and many years after, I have dreamed of living in New York City. I cannot tell you why, cause the reasons are endless, and yet, I know not one of why I should go there. I visited the City in August 07. And needless to say, it was amazing, all that I expected and more. And visiting it has compelled my desire to live there even more.

Yet, I am still young and have many years still to come before I can ever consider applying for a visa application to become an American Citizen, now that will be amazing. So for the meantime, I've been trying to make New York come to Belfast. And that is no easy job.

After watching Sex and the City late one Friday evening, I felt compelled even more to try to bring the lifestyle that I want to my life at the current moment. My girlfriends and I have talked many a time about dressing up and going to a cocktail bar. And that was my inspiration for research.

Maybe if we even just threw on a nice sexy glittery dress and went to a cocktail bar in Belfast, and had just one Cosmopolitan, we'd somehow take a step towards Manhattan [maybe, we'll have one of those too ;P].

And although Manhattan is my dream, perhaps a few cocktails and a new adventure will convince my girlfriends too.

Opportunities can change your life.

I am a member of a local Youth Forum and I know, that sounds like the nerdiest thing in the entire world, but it is one of the best things in my life right now.

Last year, I had the opportunity to take part in a one week long Trainee Leadership course. From this course, I gained a qualification, more confidence and new friends. It has since, been one of the many things that I am thankful to have in my life.

I also had the opportunity to go to Berlin for 4 days, in November, to take part in some workshops there in co-operation with a German youth group. We had such an amazing time there and ever since have vowed to go back. And even moreso, we have remained part of our youth forum.

In may this year, we also had the opportunity to organize and run a Formal for the youth of the east of our city. It was an amazing experience, and although stressful, we pulled it off and everyone managed to have a fantastic time, including us.

We had planned to do Halloween and Christmas events, although we did not have enough time to organise the Halloween one and Christmas is fast approaching so we are not sure how this is going to pan out.

However, just this past weekend, the Berlin Youth Group came to my city and we toured them around, took them to museums, shopping, ice skating and basically gave them the good time that they gave us. I had such a good time with them and I actually felt, part of something wonderful. I felt like I had achieved something.

And you are probably wondering what this has all got to do with opportunities and how they can change your life. Well, to be honest, I know most of you in this city, would turn your noses up at the smallest opportunity to become part of a youth group because you'd rather wander the cold cold streets and throw bricks at people, that's fine, that's your choice. But if there is any doubt, whatsoever, in your mind and you, even just for a second, contemplate joining the group when you are offered to. Then you should.

If you never take the opportunities that are thrown at you, then you may never know what you could have been, could have done, what could have become of you and you become of what. You could have met some amazing people, gone to some amazing places, done some amazing things, achieved new and more qualifications that will help you in the future, but if you don't take the opportunity, then you will never know. I'll be honest, when I was offered the opportunity to join this youth forum, I did have my doubts, but now, I wouldn't change anything for the world.

And to any of you, the German group, the youth forum, if you ever happen, to just stumble across this page and realize that I am talking about you, then take heed, because I want to thank you, for making the youth forum what it is and for making a difference, even if it was just small, in my life. You have made me part of who I am today and for that, I appreciate everything that happens.

So next time, any of you are thrown an opportunity like mine, just say yes, what harm can it do.

Opportunities really can change your life.

People and The Truth.

Do you ever forget that people are actually people? I know that sounds ridiculously silly, I mean, how could you forget that you are a person. But, do you ever realize, that the people around you, who influence your daily lives, for example, a teacher, actually is a person? An actual human being, who has feelings.

I was walking from class to lunch when I saw my English teacher, buy some fruice. And as stupid as this sounds, it took something as simple as that to make me realize how human he actually is. It humanized him. And it got me thinking, do you ever forget that people are people? It was earlier in the day also, when my media studies teacher had a rant at us about how students forget that teachers are humans too. They think that they just sit and do all the marking and work at the weekends and that they don't actually have lives and/or feelings.

And it's so true! It got me thinking, I don't want to end up like that. I don't want people to see me as this robotic person who doesn't have feelings, or a life. And I almost wanted to go and confess everything I felt to my closest friends. Who, although they know lots, don't know everything. But, admittedly, I stopped myself from confessing because I'm afraid of the consequences, almost, afraid of the truth.

If you speak it, then you are acknowledging that you feel it, and you are accepting it as a truth. And sometimes, the truth really does hurt. And I've probably got you all wanting to know what it is that I feel deep down inside and what it is I wanted to come and confess, but unfortunately, until I am ready to confess this truth to you guys, then you will not know and you may never know.

I know, often enough, it's the not knowing that is the hardest. But sometimes, not knowing is for yours, or my, protection. And like they say, what you don't know, doesn't hurt you. And I think, that's best for all of us.

[P.S. Check out my blogroll, my friend Sarah has a blog similar to this and I'm sure she'd appreciate it, if you even had a look!].

Complexities Of The Mind

As an A level student, I am up early, I work for 6/7 hours straight, come home, rest for a bit, then get started on homework. My mind is in a consistent cycle, always thinking, right until I go to sleep. I probably even think in my sleep [if that's possible]. Dreams could just be our thoughts only more fantasized.

Anyway, my point is, my mind is in constant motion and as an a level student, my thoughts are always being challenged. I am developing a more extensive knowledge and understanding of the subjects I am studying and the world itself. I have come to terms with this and I find it interesting, yet I am somewhat comforted by the fact that at least I am learning something and developing my intelligence.

Yet, my mind never rests and it tires my entire self out. My mind is a detailed and complex thing that I will never understand. But now, my thoughts are complex too. And sometimes, it is hard-going, trying to make sense of what I'm thinking, this article, is a perfect example. I don't know if writing about the complexities of the mind, my mind, will help me any, but maybe, one of you will understand, if not, well I guess I can deal with it.

As a writer, I try to make sense of my thoughts by writing them, in a poem, in a story, or just in a blog entry, a diary entry, a script, some kind of something to do with writing I suppose. Although, at the best of times, this proves difficult. Each of the aforementioned documents contain structure and trying to structure thoughts as well as trying to make sense of them, ends up leaving me more confused than what I already was [although, that is not hard to do these days!].

I mean, I doubt that many of you, have even thought about how complex the mind is and/or can be. And I doubt that many of you have had very detailed and complex thoughts like mine, though I dont mean that in an arrogant, or I'm better than you, kind of way. It is not a hardship, but nor is it easy. It is, as mentioned, a complex thing.

I cannot seem to find a definition to describe, what these thoughts are like, or what they compare to, or find a simple definition just to try to make you understand. And I doubt this entry, will have any significance to any of you, but I just wanted to share this, to let you know, that it is not easy trying to write and nor is it easy having a complex mind.

I mean, all I have to do, is to listen to a song, or read a book, or a quote and the complexities are set in motion and as the cycle of thinking goes ever on, so does the cycle of life.

The Fine Fine Line Between What Is & What Isn't.

As a so-called writer, it is part of my job to decieve my audience. To tell a story that will intrigue them and evoke some kind of emotion in themselves. Or even, just to get them to think.

I myself, as a writer, aim to inspire people, although many a time, I don't go about this the right way. Although, who's to say what is the right way? I often decieve my audience in my stories, making them think something, and then it turns out to be something else, well, that is a twist in the plot, and it engages the audience with the text.

I have these 6 friends. 3 I spend a lot of time with. 3 I've barely met. Yet I feel it easier to talk to and spill my heart out to the 3 I've barely met. I feel like I am constantly decieving those whom I spend a lot of time with. I don't tell them everything, and we have this way of acting when around each other. And sometimes, it bugs me. Yet I dont say anything. I call it the "Reality" side of my life. The other side, well I call it "Virtuality".

Now, we all know that Virtuality and Reality are two different things. But are they really? I mean, the people in this virtual world [i.e. the internet] actually are real, I am as real as these words I am writing in this article. Yet, we seem to mistake this all for being virtual and maybe thats where our problems lie.

We find it easier to tell people online our problems because we dont actually fully determine them as "real" in our minds, yet they are almost as real as the sun does shine. I use the word almost, because on the internet, deceit is one of the most common techniques, we all know and hear about the stories of how a 75 year old paedo disguised himself as a 17 year old boy to get his way with girls [objectification of women much? haha].

So, if we use the term "virtuality" is that actually what it is? Because in this "virtuality" there are things that are real. So wouldn't it just become "reality" ? How do we actually determine, what is, and what isn't reality? And how and when do we decide to stop using deceit as a form of hiding what we really feel?

Objectifying Sexes.

[WARNING: I am not intending for any offence to be caused by this article, and I sincerely apologise if I do happen to offend you with what I wrote. But I have to admit, got to stand by my beliefs, just like you would yourself.]

Something happened recently, that involved a man objectifying a woman and for once, my feministic side came out and I got annoyed and somewhat angry about it.

When did it become okay for men to treat women as objects, tools or as 'can openers'? Haven't feminists been fighting all this time so that we weren't treated like this? And if so, well then why is nobody listening? Women are humans just as much as men are, the only difference is, they have a dick and we don't, big woop dee doo! Get over it already.

When did it become okay for men to hit on women and try to have their way with them? When did we start accepting this as an a-okay thing to do? It is NOT OKAY. Sure, you can hit on us, we won't care, but to try and tease us into bed within 2 seconds of meeting us, that is just degrading. We are not objects. We are not whores. We are women and it's time we, as well as men, started seeing that.

I bet at least 5 women go home with a man they've just met every night and no, I don't think that's alright. Sure some women do it for the money, that's if their prostitutes and some women do it because they're lonely, but we wouldn't be lonely if men wised up and saw us as women rather than objects. And some women, like me, have standards and morals. And I might seem like a prude in saying all of this, but I simply don't care anymore. This time it's gone too far.

Did you know? That in some third world countries, women who are in the sex slave industry get punished if they get pregnant. Do you know what that punishment is? We get stuck in a box, with one small whole in the top and get left in the desert and fry to death. I mean, what the absolute hell? When did that suddenly become okay? And actually, it isn't, but where are the police? Where are the people who are fighting for human rights? And where the hell, are the fucking feminists!

And if we women are seen as the mothers and child-bearers of the earth, why the fuck do we get punished for getting pregnant? Tell me, where the sense in that is will you please! Why are we stereotyped so god damn much? And then punished for fulfilling the stereotype that has been given to us? And why do we just accept it? Why aren't we doing something about it? Why are we judged by our sex? What difference does it make, if I am a woman and my friend is a man? One has boobs, the other has a dick, so bloody what?

So after calming down for a bit and thinking a bit more clearly on the subject, I felt that no better conclusion than this would do for this article:

I am a feminist but I am not a lesbian. I am intelligent but I am not a geek. I am sexual but I am not a whore. I am a woman, but I am certainly not an object.

Factual Secrets

In light of a somewhat revelation, about a certain something to do with a certain someone [not to be revealed for privacy purposes] I got to thinking; Do the facts altar our perceptions of people?

For instance, if you, my audience, were to find out that I was some kind of freak with psychopathic tendancies, no doubt, you would stop reading this blog, for fear that I might come and beat you. Of course, I am not a psychopath, yet, haha.

Some new facts about someone, whom you might say, was a good friend to me made me think about them and what I knew about them. The new facts did not seem to conicide with what my perception of this person was, in fact it was an unlikely opposite to what I thought they were. And although, these new facts, are some which I myself might not agree with, I will continue to be friends with this person, because that's what I am, a friend and just because they told me something I wasn't aware of about themselves, doesn't mean I'm going to go running off to someone else or running off spreading the facts about. That's not who I am and that is certainly not what friends are for.

I guess, at the end of the day, we all have secrets and it is up to us whether to reveal them to people whom we think we can trust, or to keep them to ourselves for whatever the reason may be. And, we may feel deceitful for doing this, but there are some things that you just don't want to, or can't reveal because you are afraid, or it is nothing that serious that is worth talking about. However, are we afraid that the facts, will altar the people we love's perception of us?

I'll admit, there are many things that many of my friends don't know about me. And many things I wish I could tell them. I just haven't found the courage within myself to do so, and if and when the time comes that I feel it is necessary for me to tell them, then no doubt, that I will. But for now, my secrets remain secret. And I, remain a mystery.

Two To Tango.

I pose, one simple question, What happened to Romance?

In a world full of men, you expect to find, at least one, who would be willing to take you for a nice candle-lit dinner in a fancy restaurant or on a nice beach somewhere far far away from the real world [hey, a girl can dream] and not expect sex afterwards. Well, mister, if you're reading this, give me a buzz because I really would like to meet you.

For instance, this guy who found my 'bebo' and then started talking to me on msn, simply tried to turn the conversation into cybersex, although due to my high morales and values I was able to say no and turn the conversation around, though I don't think he was too pleased. However, the conversation, I have to admit, did horrify me somewhat slightly and sentences [which i will not disclose just because they are too crude] that should not even exist were said, which got me thinking.

Have we as women, fought for feminism for so many years, so that we could be called lesbians? No, we have not. And have we fought for feminism so that romance could go out the window? No, we have not. Men and even some women, just don't seem to understand, that women, like me, do still appreciate some good old romance.

It is due to the new technologies that exist in the world, like phones and the internet that we as women accept nothing more than cybersex and phone sex when really all we want is a nice sensual evening where we can relax and be bought by charm and romance and not be horrified or somewhat disgusted by the crudeness of what is now known as 'dirty talk'.

At the same time, and just to contradict myself, I wouldn't mind a bit of roughness every now and then. It's about finding the balance between romance and being naughty. Romance, is good but don't flatter me too much, I might just feel trapped by it, so throw me against a wall or something every once in a while, trust me, it'll keep me coming back for more!

So guys, time to get the brains [not the balls] in gear, take me out for a romantic meal and then throw me down and make me want you! And I'm sure, I'll give you something in return. Afterall, it takes two to tango.

A City Full Of Danger.

Why are we so afraid all of the time? Is the world really all that scary? Well obviously, it is with bombs and guns and whatnot. But why we do let fear take us over? Shouldn't we really find the strength inside of us to overcome it and at least attempt whatever it is we happen to be afraid of?

I believe that it is more so to do with a sense of danger. We are afraid of danger. Yet its not so dangerous just to take a walk by yourself, is it? Sure enough, why do we fear danger the most when we are on our own? We have a heightened sense of things.

Paranoia? Is that what it is? Are we so paranoid that we think that there is danger on every street corner and therefore, fear? Are we just too used to being safe that when we do end up in a risky situation we feel we're about to die? True enough, death is ultimately the worst thing that can happen but if we meet a stranger in the street is s/he really going to kidnap, rape or kill us?

Chances are, he's an old man trying to find his way home, or an old lady walking her dog [sorry for the cliche] and yes, on occasion, there will be danger, a large group of teenagers with fireworks, for example.

But why do we just accept it though? Shouldn't those of us who spend our lives hiding in the shadows of fear join together? If we did that, wouldn't we feel safer? And we wouldn't be so alone either! So why don't we? Are we too afraid of human interaction?

In a city full of danger how can we ever feel safe when we are too paranoid and afraid to go out by ourselves?