Change & Suchlike.

Did you ever notice how we spend most of our lives searching for love? How most of us are always on the look-out for 'The One' or 'Mr Right' even though half the time, the people we meet now, probably won't make it through to our futures. Wherever we end up, be it London, Paris or New York, it's very unlikely that everyone you know now will know the future you as much as you would like them to.

And yet, no matter how tough life is, we always want love. We have love in forms of family and friends, but to most of us, it's never enough. We want someone to cuddle with and kiss and spend time with, someone who knows us inside out and backwards. Well today, I'm calling off the search. It was never one I intentionally started, but I was looking for a little something, a hug, maybe even a snog (any takers?). However, my search is off and the reason for this is change.

My post yesterday was an attempt to reach out to some people who know me well enough to see that I was hurting. And it worked, my friends came rushing to my side, telling me that I should talk to them more and hoping that I was okay. Thanks to them, I'm feeling a lot better, though there is still some disappointment and hurt, it doesn't just go away in the space of a day.

As for change, my life has taken a turn around in directions I thought it would never go, I almost hoped it would never go. Unfortunately, life doesn't work out that way and it will give you the unexpected at the most unfortunate times. So, my life is changing in major ways and I don't have the time or energy to spare on searching for something I will never find. I don't mean that as in I'll never find love, I just mean that as in when you look for something, you very rarely find it. So, the search is off, and the change is on. Whether you like it or not.

I have to admit, I'm afraid of change. I always have been, scared of something changing and never being the same again, cause generally it never is. People change and life goes on, whether we are happy about it or not. Sometimes change is for the best and if you're like me, well everything happens for a reason. So these changes are for a reason whether I know what that reason is or not is another thing. I may never know, but my life will go on and I may learn a million things, or I may learn nothing from these changes. Who knows! But I'm going to try and not be so afraid of change from now on. It's inevitable really, isn't it?

I don't know how often I will get to blog in the next few weeks due to all these changes taking place, but I'll try to keep you informed, that's if you're interested. Some comments would be nice people! :P. I really don't have much else to say, I hope you all are well and I'm going to leave you with this lyric, that relates to how I feel right now:

"You got to finally just stop searching to find yourself"

Disappointment & Regret.

Isn't it funny how at A Levels, your entire future lies in someone else's hands as they have the power to make a yes/no decision that will you give a path to the future you want for yourself. It really demented my head for several days. You can ask anyone, I was freaking out all over the show. And why? Because I didn't know how else to deal with my disappointment, my regret. Even though you should never regret anything, or so they say.

On top of this, there were boy matters floating around and I thought things were good, but my attempts were unsuccessful. I can't help but feel regretful that I should have kissed him that first night and disappointed that it didn't work out. Although other feelings are floating around to do with this, some self-deprecating issues perhaps, that's another story for another day though. What can you do really, if the feeling isn't there then the feeling just isn't there. You can't force it.

So today, I've been in a right sour mood, wandering around looking rather unhappy and therefore I am going to go sleep the past few days off and I might see you around tomorrow, hopefully when I'm in a much better mood.

Apologies also, for the lack of inspiration in this blog, but hey it's a blog and I can't inspire you all the time, especially if I'm not too inspired myself. :P

Tomorrow Is The Future.

Well I know that many of you, like myself, will be recieving AS/A2 results tomorrow and/or GCSE Results next week. I'm also sure many of you, like me, are scared/worried/nervous about them.

I know nothing I say will calm the nerves but what will be will be my friends and there isn't much you can really do about it now. You just have to make that final race to the finish line and hope you get where you're going.

All I really wanted to say was, Good luck to you all and if I'm not around for a few days it's because I'm either celebrating the entire weekend, or have locked myself away in my room to mope. Or I'm hassling universities until they give me a place. Who knows really.

Either way my friends, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get the grades you want!

Have a good weekend too!
Sami
:)

The Secret Ache.

Have you ever had a desire? A desire so strong for something that was out of your reach, or beyond your control, or had consequences that you would never be able to deal with. This desire, is so secret, that you barely even know it yourself. I know it sounds strange, but we all have secrets, so we must have secret desires.

Then comes the day when that secret something is in your grasp, but it's only there for a moment, not a second too short, or a second too long, it's just there for the time in which it needs to be there. For the time enough to make you enjoy it and loathe it all at the same time and then, before you've even had half a chance to say anything worth saying, it has gone again, out of your reach and beyond your control and you are left to live with the consequences of what happened in that one enjoyable moment.

What follows is an aching deep in your soul, an ache that hurts quite a lot because after having what you wanted, it was gone in the blink of an eye. And the consequences might not be fun and they can cause you all kinds of hassle and stress and yet you don't regret for one single moment, the joy that you felt when your desire was in reach. Yet, your heart aches because what you had was gone and you will never, ever in a lifetime have that back again.

What hurts more is, you have to deal with it all on your own, because it's such a secret desire, that you can't tell anyone. Or maybe you could but it could end up making you feel embarrassed or worried or even more stressed cause of the consequences. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and in affairs of the heart and secret desires, this saying could not be any more true to form.

Why Do We Fall Down?

Have you ever noticed how we spend our lives reading books about people with high-flying careers, a beautiful house, a wonderful family and great friends? Often, we think how unrealistic it all seems, that having our cake and eating it too, is just a fantasy that is laid out in books for us to read and mope about how our lives don't compare.

Isn't it time we started making the unrealistic become more realistic? If we really want it all, all we have to do is work for it and persist. Persistence really is the key to everything. Most of the time, we have this dream and we all plan it out in our heads, from how we dream our weddings to be, how we dream our careers to be, our future husbands, wives, daughters, sons etc. We all plan it right down to the last intimate detail (or maybe that's just women) and yet, we always seem to settle for second best. There has to come a time in life where people must chose, do they take the fairytale path and keep persisting until they feel that their dream really can't be taken any further, or do they settle for second-best on the path that's a little dusty, but safe and familiar?

If that person chooses the dusty second-best path (not that it's a bad one), you must ask yourself why? Why did that person suddenly stop aiming for their entire life's dream. Why did that person just give up? I know life is hard and it has it seems to have it's downs a hell of a lot more than it's ups, but every time we fall down, do we really just stay down? Or do we say "Fuck this" and get back up on our feet? Rather appropriately, I feel I must quote Batman Begins, one character asks "Why do we fall down?" and the other replies "So we can learn to get back up again". And it's true, we must fall down lots, so we can learn to pick ourselves up again. If we just stayed down all the time, we'd never learn anything. That's what mistakes are for, they are learning experiences, to make you a better, stronger, happier, wiser person.

I know it's hard to be positive a lot of the time, it's hard to really see the bigger picture as I've mentioned before. But next time you fall down, in that split second when you want the world to swallow you head to toe, why don't you try and think "This happens for a reason. This is something I have to learn from." And as hard as it is, to pick yourself up again, you must try. And if you can't do it yourself, then I'm pretty damn sure, you'll have some great friends to help you on your way. So when you finally get your feet back on the ground, you'll have considered the reasons for this mistake, this fall, and have learnt something from it, whether it be, not to do it again, that you're friends are awesome for helping you, or that you simply just need to do things differently. For that one week, day, month or perhaps even a year you spend on the floor, the feeling of getting back up again as a happier, wiser, better, stronger person is the greatest thing of all.

Music Unites The Masses

Have you ever noticed, how two completely different people can like exactly the same song for two completely different reasons? And those two people can deduce different meanings from the one song. Although many songs have one obvious meaning, to someone somewhere there will always be many interpretations to one song and they will take the meaning and relate it to whatever is going on their own lives right that moment.

We all have those songs that we can relate to specific moments, or people, or places in our lives. I myself have a few such as 3 Doors Down - Here Without you and Lonestar- Baby I'm amazed by you and also The Waterboys - The Whole of the Moon. Although they are quite lovey-dovey songs, there are other songs, such as Voodoo Child which I can relate to my summer a few years ago. I find it amazing that the singers/artists/bands can make music that many people can relate to, or that can describe exactly the feelings and/or emotions that someone else in the world is going through. In saying that, I suppose a lot of us have felt a similar emotion to the one in the song at some point in our lives. But it just amazes me how music can make us feel better, or worse, or relate to our lives in ways we never imagined.

I've never been to a music festival but I have attended some concerts in my time and I got to thinking. Each concert has sold over a thousand tickets, which means over a thousand people like the same music, for similar and different reasons. And those people appreciate what those artists are doing, they can relate, or they just enjoy listening to the music and that's what makes it so good. I love finding songs that I can relate to or that are inspiring and meaningful, although they may be this to me, to other people they may be strange or not up to their music taste. Isn't it strange how there are so many different kinds of music and all of it can relate to somebody somewhere in the world?

All I know is, music seems to be a thing that brings people together, for example, at concerts, at music festivals and even in pubs, clubs and bars. And I really appreciate the fact that people can enjoy the music together even if they don't get on as friends, or as people. And to be totally cliche, I'm going to quote Abba and say, Thank you for the music, for the song's I'm singing, for all the joy they're bringing....yeah you get my point, haha. So, if you have any songs you want to share, or songs that you feel I would enjoy or be able to relate to, I'm open for suggestions. You can leave a comment or mail me at the address given on the sidebar, or better yet, subscribe using the Google box also on the sidebar! I'll be ever so grateful :P