Here Comes 2009

Well, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and that Santa was good :). I've been doing a bit of thinking lately and as you do around this time of year, some reflection. My life has recently taken some unexpected turns but they've made me feel better and eased my sense of unease if you get me. I was writing a private journal entry just the other day, when a whole load of stuff came out unexpectedly and so I'm going to paste it here because I feel it is apt. Before I do that, I want to wish you a Happy New Year and may 2009 be a better and brighter year for all of us and I will see you in January :).

Talking of the New Year, I have big plans for 2009 and lots of them. Nanowrimo taught me something that I never thought I would learn. Every year, thousands of us make resolutions, that we plan to do something different, be someone different, try new things, loose weight, meet new people and every year most of us fail at those things because we don't try, or we run out of time or life just gets in the way. The thing is, if you really wanted to do those things, you would say bollocks to any excuse your brain comes up with and do them anyway. It's not about saying you'll do them and writing them down, it's about putting your actions where your mouth is, it's about determination.

Never in my life did I think I would write a 50 000 word novel, but I did and it's sitting there in a folder all tucked away (and backed up to hell). I started Nanowrimo a week late, I wrote 50 000 words in 3 weeks, it wasn't easy, I lost sleep and I stressed out and I even had arguments with friends, but in the end, it was my determination, my motivation that got me across the finish line with hours to spare.

Life isn't about sitting back and letting the winds of fate take control, it's about making ourselves happy, it's about living to the full. The reason we fail to meet our NYRs every year is because we aren't determined enough to do them. I know, come New Years morning, most of us will have broken the things we vowed to do at midnight and probably because we partied until the small hours and don't wake until the late afternoon and also because we didn't care enough to really keep them. We believe it's just a silly new year tradition and on we go with life, never changing or doing things that we vowed we would do.

A wise friend once said to me, Why wait until the New Year to start again? He was right, it's not just the new year when we can start again. If we were really unhappy and really determined, we could drop our lives and run for the hills or wherever we so wish to run. We could do it but we just don't because we consider everything else, our friends, our family, which of course are important, but isn't being happy important too? I'm sure if your friends and family loved you enough, they would support your decision and though it may come as a shock, given time they'll get over it and they'll be glad that your happy. Isn't that what it's really all about? About being happy?

And so, as the New Year looms ahead, we may or may not make Resolutions which we may or may not stick too, but just know, it's about determination and happiness and not the simple fulfilling of a sentence written down on paper for the sake of it.

All my wishes and more adventures to come in the year ahead,
Sami & The City.

Merry Christmas

I just wanted to make a small post to wish you all a Merry Christmas from me and mine to you and yours :)

Hopefully I'll post again before it turns 2009 so I can wish you a Happy New Year then, but if not then Happy New Year and I'll see you in 2009!

Enjoy the turkey :)

Sami & The City

A Winter Cold

I know I said I'd try to update once a week and I failed that last week, but I took ill and I was in bed for four days basically trying to nurse myself better. Though I am feeling a lot better, my health has not fully restored and so you're lucky to be getting this entry :P.

I really haven't been doing much. I went back to Uni on Tuesday this week as I had work to hand in and I wanted to see everyone before Christmas. It was nice to spend some time there again, I had begun to feel like I had dreamt it's entire existence. It's weird how attached I am now to that life, the one that I built all by myself. No parents there to guide me, just me, the flat, the flatmates, classes and an instinct to make myself a life and I did it.

I 100% did it. I have friends from class, I handed all my work in on time, I get on with my housemates and life is pretty decent. Of course, I'm home now for Christmas break and apart from my two exams, I'm pretty much here until February. So deal with it bitches. Sami has returned to the city. As sad as I am that I've put my handmade life on hold for a month or two, I am grateful to be spending Christmas with friends and family and It gives me time to re kindle my relationship with the city.

Afterall, this blog is based on my adventures there, beneath the big city lights. So here's to a month full of adventure for you to read about - adventures of Sami and the City.

Enjoy!

30 Days Later

So, we all know about my NaNoWriMo win, today marks my 30th post of NaBloPomo. That's a blog everyday for the month. I don't know if I can continue this, I've been neglecting coursework and such, but I'll try to at least post once a week, maybe more, if your lucky.

I'm sure that you can tell from my recent posts that I've been on the down and out with regards to my friends - well the down and out became the up and away today as we finally spoke and sorted things out. I never stopped caring, neither did they, so we're all good. Just a misunderstanding, as per usual.

I'm glad that we've sorted it out, I didn't want to be alone this Christmas. By the way, any offers for kisses under mistletoe? I could really do with some ;P

This Is My Life Now.

I was sitting around earlier in my University living room and having since discovered that home is a little out of balance right now, I began to think about how much my life has changed. I had my heart and hopes set on going somewhere else but I never got there. My relationship with that place has faltered since and I seem to avoid it as much as is possible.

In September, I was just an 18 year old girl, who passed her A Level Results and was heading off to University, an hour and a half away from home. I remember that very first day we drove down to get my keys for accommodation. My mum and Dad have the same car, though they are no longer together, so we got both the cars and piled it high with everything I was ever going to need. I drove with my mum and my sister drove with my dad. We were like troops traveling in a pack together.

We unpacked, ate together and I kept sending my friends Update texts as the day progressed. I had felt sad when my family left and I was here on my own because none of my housemates had arrived. I spent the first three days by myself and then headed home. I remember going on webcam and showing everyone my new room, how plain and boring and unwelcome it had seemed that very first day.

Now, I've decorated and added my own style to the place, I've made friends and I have changed and grown as a person. I don't miss home that much but I still go home, for my family and I'd like to hope that they still care - my friends. Having recently acquired a new sense of perspective, this really is my life now. I travel back and forth on Fridays and Sundays and I spend my week between reading the twilight series, going to class, having water fights and writing my novel.

Regardless of the fact that I'm not the person I was and I don't live where I have done my entire life, I do enjoy the company here, I enjoy the banter and I don't even mind the classes. Christmas break is fast approaching and I know I'm going to miss being here for a few weeks even though I revel in the fact that I'm in the city, I love the lights and the hustle and bustle, but along with that go the memories and places and people that have been a part of me, that sometimes I want to escape from.

THIS is my life now and I have to accept that, whether or not I want to. My friends and family have to accept it too, life has given me this path, it's not that I wanted it in the first place, but I know I'm on a path to somewhere better, something more than what I know of life as it is. So please, for my sake, accept that things have changed, that this is who I am, what I do, this is my life now and nothing can change that.

NaNoWriMo Update 3

*VICTORY DANCE*

Yes, my friends, I traveled the seven seas and made it back and wrote a magnificent 50 000 words in 30 days! My novel is not yet done but 50 000 words is pretty amazing! So now I'm quite happy with myself and I am going to partake in NaNoFiMo - National Novel Finishing Month! And just in case you don't believe me, my username on nanowrimo.org is paperdollx - go look at that purple bar that says Winner on it and weep bitches!

NaBloPoMo ends today also, however for me it doesn't because I started on 2nd November, my month finishes on the 2nd December. So You will have another two posts for me until that challenge is complete too and I have no doubt I'll succeed, I've made it that far haven't I?

I'm not going to post an exerpt, for the simple fact is I don't want to spoil it for you. To be honest, I am not even a big fan of it myself, I do plan to edit it to hell before I even consider a publisher. So it'll be in the New Year before you see anything from me, though I will indeed, keep you updated.

I'm off now, to unpack, have some tea and relax, the pressure is off!

*Skips off merrily*

If That's The Way It Is.

I have officially been caught in the web of the Twilight series. After finishing Twilight early yesterday evening, I couldn't wait to get out the door and buy New Moon this afternoon. I've had my head stuck in it since, I am annoyed though with the way the story is at the moment.

Amazingly, it's somewhat like my own life story at the minute. Some people appear to have disappeared and I'm waiting not very patiently or numbly, but in a state of annoyance and wonder about whether they are going to come back. It is their choice but they know I'll be waiting, no matter how awkward it is or how annoyed I was.

That's thing about it though, when someone leaves and comes back, it's never the same. It's why you don't date someone twice, because they never change, no matter how much you want them too. I guess there is nothing I can really do right now apart from wait, the ball is in their hands.

But, you know who you are and I know you'll read this. I still care, even if I say that I don't. Of course I do. And I'm sorry if I hurt or upset you, that is obviously not what I intended. I just am a little confused right now. I thought we sorted it out. But if you want this to end, just let me know so I know where I stand. Thanks.

I'm off now to write, hopefully over the finish line in nanowrimo and read some more of New Moon, in hope that it will get better and I'll stop being annoyed with it.

Twilight

I started reading the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer yesterday morning. I've had my head stuck into the world of Bella and Edward since then, it really is quite a fascinating story. I love the descriptions of the way Bella feels about Edward, how she describes the electric.

When I read that one scene about her feeling the electric, I had a memory come to my mind. It was a time I too had felt electric. Unfortunately, that electric never went anywhere except the bedroom. Regardless,the memory is one that I cherish, that feeling of lust and desire and well, electric.

I hope to finish the first book this evening and I'll probably buy or lend the second one tomorrow. I'm quite intrigued and looking forward to it. Though I've recently heard bad reports, many people are now going off the series due to the movie release ruining it and the fangirls being all well fan-girly about it. Fuck them, if you like it you like it.

Maybe one day, we'll all find our own Edward Cullen too.

Home.

We all have that one place that we call home. The place we were born and have lived in most of our lives, where our childhood memories our, our young dreams, our scraped knees and broken hearts. There is no place like home.

But what if, you not really by choice, have to move away? You become part of a new set of people, new friends and people you become close to and adopt as a temporary family. It's a home away from home, not because you want it to be but because it has to be. What if you suddenly start enjoying it? It doesn't seem so bad.

I know this because I've done it. I really wasn't ever keen on moving away from home to go to University, unfortunately, life gave me that as a choice that I could follow or I'd not go to University at all. At first, I missed my real home, my family, my friends and the life I left behind and yes, sometimes I still miss it, but not as much. It's not so bad for me because I only live an hour and a half away, home really isn't far, but it's still far enough.

Far enough for me to miss it and at the same time, not. Far enough for bonds to break and hearts to ache. Just far enough. I've grown accustomed now, to my temporary home and I have lightened up and learnt to enjoy it. I guess there is no point moping around all day, you gotta take what's given to you and enjoy it. Otherwise, it's a pretty sad existence.

So regardless, of where you are, or who you miss, or what you no longer have, can do, or feel, just throw caution to the wind and enjoy it and you might actually learn something about yourself.

Take a risk, it's what life's about.

Holidays Are Coming.

You always know it's Christmas when you see that famous Coca Cola ad with the trucks and the lights and Santa drinking coke and you hear the little song 'Holidays are coming, Always Coca Cola'. I saw this advert for the first time this year on Saturday during the ad breaks of the X Factor.

I am totally not feeling festive at all this year, in fact I'm slightly Scrooge like. This could be due to the fact that I have coursework deadlines and novel deadlines to meet before I can even think about Christmas shopping or Christmas in general.

I have no clue what to buy anybody, so if there is something you want, tell me in the comments, or email me - make note, I ain't gonna buy everybody, just those people who know who they are.

What is slightly ironic, is the fact that I tend to sing Jingle Bells all year round. Come Christmas, I stop singing it and get all Scrooge like. Awh well.

Bah Humbug, bitches!

Household

The thing I've noticed recently about my housemates and I is that we've come together more as a household. It was mainly last week, we all helped at the party, we all tidied up and we all went together to the disciplinary and we all told the same story and paid the price for our actions. I liked the fact that we were grouping together for once. Instead of people running off here, there and everywhere.

The good thing is that it has proceeded into this week. Tonight, we all had dinner together and we helped cook and clean. Then my other friend came over and we had yet another water fight, which was fun but we soaked my friend who then had to run off to a romantic double dinner date with his boyfriend and another couple.

We are currently all sitting typing our fingers off, they have an assignment due and I have nanowrimo to keep me occupied until someone attacks me with a highlighter or more water. Hopefully they won't though, I already have the cold!

Pride

It's been two months now since I first upped and left for University and I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I've started enjoying University a lot more now and it's been fun regardless of the drama or the formal warnings.

I don't miss home as much, I'm used to it and it isn't that bad because I go home most weekends.

So University is all good and I'm enjoying myself quite a bit. I'm proud of myself, I really am :)

NaNoWriMo Update 2

I made 25 000 words last night and I have to admit, I'm pretty pleased with myself, that's the halfway mark! I know I should have reached it a week or so ago, but regardless, I've reached it and I'm halfway there! (Not living on a prayer though!)

I know this time next week Nanowrimo will be over and we will be either celebrating or saying 'Maybe next year'. Regardless, you have to give us serious brownie points for trying. I have fair hope that I will make it to 50 000 words, as I plan to have serious sprints throughout the week, starting tonight. 5k at a time!

Once you are on a roll, it isn't hard to get the words flowing and especially if you have a plan in mind. You still got to let the characters tell the story their own way though, but you'll get there eventually.

So for now, wish me luck and this blog next week will let you know whether I am a surefire Nanowrimo winner or not.

Alone Together.

Today, I went to a NaNoWriMo meet and met some people from Northern Ireland. It was pretty fun and it got me thinking.

The reason for us all coming together is because we are all writing a novel, not a challenge many people undertake. The fact is, if it weren't for NaNoWriMo we'd all be pretty alone in our novel-writing undertaking and I don't think we'd all make it to 50 000 words if we weren't trying to make it as part of a challenge. By being with other people, we push ourselves to beat them, or match them, or to 'win'.

It's good to know that there are other people who are pushing themselves too, who need encouragement and support to make it and keep those fingers typing. By us all doing the same task, we might be alone, but at least we are together in that. This reminds me of a quote from one of my favourite movie that says;

"So now, alone or not, you've got a walk ahead. Thing to remember is if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too."

So next time you are feeling alone, just remember, there are probably other people who are lonely too and even if you don't know them, you aren't alone because you are together in your loneliness.

Picture Post.

I bought this poster recently and I just wanted to share it with you, cause I'm nice like that :P

A Formal Warning.

So, the disciplinary interview went okay. The woman basically explained some things and asked us some questions. We explained our side of the story and we were let off with a formal warning which is just a black mark against our name. We are allowed to appeal this, so I think we are going too, which is all good.

I'm pretty happy with this result, we could have been in a lot more crap. So, now, we party on and hope that next time, we don't get caught cause god only help us if we do.

Water Fight

Today, my housemates and I had a water fight. The house is soaking, and the carpet even squelching when we walk on it.

Apart from the general wetness of the house, we were all soaked through. Regardless of that, it was the funnest part of my day and possibly my week. We were using boxes, pots, pans, glasses, biscuit tins etcetc. It was just great.

I have the disciplinary interview tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm hoping for the best.

Wrecked.

Last night was eventful, to say the least.

We threw a massive party for my housemates 20th birthday, we had lots of alcohol, including a punch bowl, the house was decorated with balloons and banners etcetc. We had a pre-party at the house, had the party at the Students Union and another post-party at the house. I didn't sleep until 4am.

Needless to say, I was not a happy bunny when I got woken up by Residential Officers this morning who came barging in screaming blue murder. The jist of the story is, we were made to clean our house by 2pm and we've been called to an interview about "Noise Nuisance". The funny part? The music wasn't even coming from our Flat! The Residential Assitant came into our house last night around 1am and kicked everybody out, so the only people left were the housemates and two of our friends who were staying - talking to them was the reason for being awake until 4am.

It's okay though, he dropped us in the shit, well, we're gonna drop him right back in it too and smear it all over his smug little face. Then we'll see how he likes it.

Yes, I am angry.

Samisung

Last night, my gay friend had a dream about me. I was a large phone and I was running away with his coursework and he was yelling after me that he needed it or else he couldn't go to class.

This stemmed from me ringing him 3829147292993 times in order to get him up for class so he ended up dreaming about me. I've no idea why I had his coursework though. Then I started running after him and beating him with his coursework.

If you see a new phone brand called Sami-sung, it's run by me ;P

NaNoWriMo Update 1.

So, I know we're supposed to be on 25 000 words as of yesterday but I'm still only on 9229. This is due to not writing anything in the first week cause of some personal life stuff. But it's all good, I've got determination and plan to type my fingers off today and get at least 15 000. By this time next week I hope to be at least in the 20 000s somewhere.

I went to a write-in yesterday. I didn't see the girls at first but the liaison found me in a wee corner eating a cookie and she recognised me and brought me over. We typed for a bit and played the novel game which had some funny endings with bananas, elves and Walt Disney. Then we typed some more and another person came and we talked for a bit.

I also got the little kit, the wee card and the cutest highlighter ever and a nanowrimo sticker. I was well pleased. Haha. I'm really glad I found out about it because I'm probably going to participate it in every year now, even through all the madnessss. I'm even planning on basing some of my journalism coursework on it this year. Aren't I awesome?

Anyway, that's all I've really got to say about it so far. I would paste you an excerpt but I'm going to keep you in suspense so it keeps me writing :P.

Until tomorrow!

Yes, It's Sad But...

There isn't much you can do about it. When friends make decisions to go away for University, or to take a gap year and travel the world, of course you're going to be sad. Yes, you are allowed to cry and mourn their departure, but eventually, you have to get over it.

I was at a leaving party for a girl who's moving away to Australia last night and all her girly friends and her were crying their hearts out, singing cheesy karaoke songs at each other and hugging each other for dear life. It was heartwarming and heart-wrenching because you know that this girl is leaving behind an entire life that she's spent years building.

It kind of made me sad though. No-one ever threw me a leaving party. I know that I come back every weekend, but it doesn't mean it that it's any less or more difficult for me. I live away from home for most of my week now, I'm actually at home about two days (one entire full one and two halves). It hurts me too, to know that I can't fully participate in my friends lives anymore, I'm barely aware of what goes on during the week even if its nothing exciting.

I'm not going to put down my Uni experience though, because it has been fun as well as dramatic. I figured though, that maybe it's too hard to have a leaving party. It breaks your heart watching the final goodbyes. Maybe my friends and I aren't good at dealing with goodbyes, not that it was a goodbye as I do come back. I guess it's easier for us to pretend that it's all okay because we see each other every weekend and I guess it is. There is a big difference between Coleraine and Australia.

I don't know. I guess my leaving party will be when I decide to move 5000 miles across the world and it'll be a day when we all have to accept that I'm not coming back. I guess we all have different ways of dealing with what our friends choose to do with our lives. It's not all bad either, my friends are coming to join me at University next year. It's not like we can all decide to up and move to Australia together.

Anyway, I'm going to stop myself from feeling sad and wish you all the best wherever in the world you choose to be.

Grin and Bare It.

This evening I'm going out with some of my lovely friends to a nice bar for a quiet drink and/or party. I know it's going to be fun, but I have instinctive feelings right now that its going to turn into a coupletastic snog-fest.

You know when people fancy each other? Then alcohol gets involved. It kinda turns into a, oh look you're really pretty *kisses* type thing. Well I know that two girls going tonight have crushes on two guys that are going tonight and vice versa. So, instinctively, I know that its going to be a snogathon and I'll be there going 'Well, this is great'.

I'm not going to feel sorry for myself because what's the point? I could drink myself silly and have to be carried home, but I'm not like that. So what I'm really going to do is grin and bare it and hope that some random hottie turns up for me, or ask my friends to share their men, or just steal them away from them and tell them they can do whatever they want with the guys when they go home together, but for now, can I have you please?

You can never really predict what's going to happen though, so hopefully the night turns out better than I'm expecting it to be. :)

I've Nothing To Say

I apologise for this but absolutely nothing to tell you guys lately.

Today, I went shopping. That's about it. I also handed in my coursework, yay me.

:D I bought some new tops and socks.

I seem to have a sock obsession as of late. How random is that.

I'll have more to blog about over the weekend I am sure.

Right now, I am off to watch The Parent Trap with my gay lover who is getting his haircut (he wanted me to add that just so he feels special ;P).

Still Lacking In Motivation

I know my posts are really unexciting as of late, but I'm tied between doing coursework, keeping up with a social life and nanowrimoing my brain out.

So today, instead of boring you with tales of nothingness and coursework and instead you can have a quote, rather appropriately, from someone named Swamiji Paramahamsa Nithyananda. I found the quote here. So here, it is:

Don’t keep thinking of what happened yesterday and what is going to happen tomorrow. Live in the moment and every situation will seem like the time of your life.

Today, I Lack Motivation.

I've just spent several hundred hours staring at my computer screen, hoping some form of essay about Pride and Prejudice will form itself in my word document, without me really having to think about it. Unfortunately, magic documents like that don't exist and I have to type them all myself.

I have absolutely no motivation for doing any form of essay at all today. All I really want to do is write a few thousand more words in my nanowrimo novel. I'm not allowing myself to even open the document though until I get some form of essay taking shape.

I'm quite thankful that Bebo isn't working for me right now otherwise I'd be creeping on your uncle's brother's monkey's turtle by now and then having a realisation that I've no clue who this person is and what the hell am I doing on their page.

So, if you see me online, you might want to tell me to stop posting blogs, stalking NaNoWriMo profiles and get on with my essay, or do it for me. Either way, it would be useful :P

Lifes too short.

As you all know, I've been on the down and out as of late until a some friends helped to put my feet firmly back on the ground. I'm ready to hit it, jumping, running, or flying.

I used to think that life was the longest thing you'll ever go through and maybe it is, but at the same time, it is a short and wonderful thing and we should all be living it to the fullest. Even if that means having to say goodbye a thousand times or more. Even if it means loosing all the people in the world that you love so dearly. At the end of the day, we all end up dead.

I know that is probably really morbid and one of the worst things to ever say, but it's true and we just have to accept that. We should stop taking life and people and everything in it for granted and realise that we are truly blessed to be given everything we are given, regardless of how much we don't want, need or like it.

It's not all bad. I'm sure a lot of us have wonderful friends and family and opportunities being given to us left, right and centre. So why don't you hop on board that new plane and arrive at that new destination. You never know, it could be the making of you.

Just be sure that you thank someone for it, show your gratitude for life. Even if it means hugging a friend to show your love, at the end of the day, it will all be worth to die a happy person, knowing you lived life the way you wanted too.

Life is short. Make the most of it.

Feet Back On The Ground.

Recently, I haven't been feeling the greatest and I did really get myself upset about a good few things. My friends are pretty awesome though and are able to pick up on these things immediately and come and say, 'Yo, bisnatch, what's the craic?' and help to sort me out.

So, it's safe to say my feet are firmly back on the ground and I brought some clarity to my life. I know what I've been doing and why and now I know what I can and can't do and how to sort myself out. It all finally makes sense :)

So, with that, I really must shoot off, I've a suitcase to pack, a self to dress and feed and a train to catch. University, here I come.

I'll see you tomorrow :)

The Power Of X.

This is going to sound completely random and ridiculously girly. However, when you are writing a text, or an email, or just something on msn and you see the message followed by an 'x'. For example, 'Sweet dreams xx'. Do you wonder what it means? Generally, X means a kiss. So a goodnight kiss is acceptable, but who is suitable to give you an X?

A family member?? A friend? I usually sign with an 'xo' A kiss and a hug. I usually hug people you see, so that suits me. What confuses me about this, is if you like someone and they sign it with 'x', or as been with me recently 'xxxx'. Four x's, that is four kisses for me. It's extremely girlish of me to read into it, but does it mean that the guy wants to give me four kisses, or he is just being friendly? Or is he feeling guilty so overcompensates with his x's? How do you know what is appropriate and how do you know when its just friendly and not romantically inclined?!

I know that's random, but it just bugs me. If anyone can solve this problem, do let me know!! :P

Time To Up The Ante

Today, someone left my life. They hadn't really been in it much and I thought that they had stopped caring. I found out I was wrong, they still cared. It's just I had pushed them away and so I told them to go. To ride off into the sunset and live life the way it should be lived. I know that person will most likely read this blog. As I said, I wish you well and I will never say goodbye, just Good Luck :).

As upsetting as this has been to me, it seems to be the way life works. People come and people go. Eventually, saying Goodbye, or Good Luck becomes a natural process. At Primary school, you say goodbye to your friends and move to secondary school. Then at the end of Secondary school, you say goodbye for University and at the end of University, undoubtedly you will have to say Goodbye. It's not that you want all these people to leave your life, it's just that they do because we all go our separate ways. Life goes on no matter how many people we lose or how many more we meet.

To be perfectly honest though, I am sick of saying Goodbye. I just wish someone would come into my life and stay there for a while. Someone who will lie beside me at night and hug me tight and let me know it's all going to be Okay in the morning. But I'm 19 and finding someone who is likely to do that is about as possible as it is for McCain to win the presidential election. So I guess, it's time I upped the Ante. Time I stopped saying Goodbye and pushing people away, time I held onto the people who I cherish and stopped being a bisnatch and possibly stop being a whore.

I don't know how I'm going to do it, all I know is that I want to and sure as hell, I'm going to try. So if you're my friend and I've been neglecting you, I apologise profusely and I'll make it up to you in the following weeks, I promise. For now though, I hope you are well and I'll speak to you soon.

Wish List.

I just wish you would let me know that you still care.
I wish that you would care.
I wish that you would try.
I wish you didn't live so far away.
I wish I didn't live so far away.
I wish you would stop judging me.
I wish you would already.
I wish you would stop making me sick.
I wish you two would make up your minds.

Yeah, I just wish.

Obama Wins.

Most of the world knows by now that America has voted Barack Obama to be the 44th President of the United States of America. Most of the world has a "I don't care" attitude because they don't think that this will/does affect them in anyway.

I can't confirm that it does, but since America is the backbone of a lot of the world, especially the UK I do think that the changes made in America will eventually envelope the rest of us. And I don't mean envelope us in a bad way.

Last night I sat until 3.30 am watching the votes be counted. I was nervous at first because McCain got the lead when the first projections came in, but eventually Obama had 300+ versuses McCain's 100+ and so I retired to bed knowing come morning who the 44th President would be.

I am not an American but I do love America and by just sitting watching the news coverage it allowed me to feel a part of it, a part of somewhere else, somethinge else and part of history. I think a lot of us will remember this for the rest of our lives. America is now ready to accept having an African-American President, the first ever in the U.S. America is ready for change.

Isn't it time we were too?

When You Grow Old.

So, I was on the bus today on my way into town and these two old ladies got onto the bus. They were just normal old women but they had the coolest hats. The hats were white, fluffy and covered the entirety of their hair, you would almost mistake it for hair it was that white.

At the following stop, another two old ladies got on, and they both had white hair. I was quite amused cause it was like white hats v.s. white hair. The Irony is, they all had Marks and Sparks bags. It was like, if they were all friends, it would be what Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte would be like when they are 95+.

It just made me wonder, when I grow old, will I have white hair, or a white hat? What do you think?

What Not To Say.

So, the other night I was out at a party for Halloween and it was great fun. The house was big, the alcohol was flowing and the people were partying. I was having a great time just mingling with all my friends and the new people I had never met before.

I went upstairs to use the bathroom when one of the bedroom doors opened and a guy was sitting on the floor. He startled me, but he said Hello and introduced himself. Let's call him C shall we? So C had been put into this bedroom, which had no working lights by A1 (not using names to protect identity). A1 had told C to calm down and stay in that room until he felt better, but C was bored and needed water which is why he opened the door when he heard me wandering around. So I went and got some water for C and sat down and started chatting to him.

We were chatting about Anime and if I, being a girl, had seen any. I told him that I had as my new housemate had introduced me to a few and my exes has shown me some as well. Then he started hugging me cause he was cold. I know that sounds like a ploy, but you have no idea how cold that house was. It was a big old victorian-style house with single glazing and heating that takes 400 hours to start working. So it was cold.

So there we were, C and I, in a room with no working lights, hugging and chatting. C was quite intoxicated (alcohol, you know?) and he was talking in a half-Irish, half-Scottish accent. He was telling me I was a "Beautiful Lass" with "Really smooth skin and smooth hair". I started laughing at him in his silly little accent and then he said "Oh no! I think me penis jumped up". This made me laugh even more, which made his 'penis jump' more. In all my life, a laugh turning someone on is the last thing I expected. Though, I've been told before that I had a dirty/evil laugh. I don't know how that works.

So C's penis jumped up and he was quite handsome. He was training to be a fitness instructor so had some nice pecs and well, I wasn't going to refuse. Blame the alcohol if you want. So there we were, C and me kissing and hugging and letting hands flail around. Then he asked 'Do you like kisses in the ear?' I'm sorry, IN THE EAR? I mean, I can deal with ear nibbling and stuff but why on earth do you want to shove your tongue IN my ear? Needless to say, it didn't do anything for me, except make me think he was a weirdo.

If that wasn't bad enough, we were going at it (again, hands only) and he stopped again and said "Do you like anal?" I was like "No thank you, it's an exit only". To this, he replied "It's just me ex lass, she shoved her ass in me face one day and said go on and I was like what do you mean go on? And then I realised and I was like oh, really? It wasn't really something I enjoyed." What, a man who doesn't like anal, are you sure? I was but then we stopped for a while because well, I wasn't exactly excited after that. When we got going again, he was all "I want to bend you over". Clearly, he did enjoy anal. Shame, really.

So next time, my friends, you meet a beautiful lassie and you get the chance to give her some action, I suggest you don't ask about ear kissing, or anal, or even talk about your ex-girlfriend. Reason being, it's a total turn-off. As for C and me, we have spoken since, he said he didn't remember much. Maybe I'll forgive him, for his pecs and the eventualality, made up for it ;)

November = Challenge Time!

So, I know it's been a while and I am an awfully bad blogger for not posting regularly. I hope you all had a good Halloween, I know I did and I will be posting about those events in the not too distant future.

For now though, exciting news! November appears to be the month of creativity and writing challenges. So, here we go. This month I have decided to try two challenges.

The first one is called NaNoWriMo. This stands for National Novel Writing Month. The basic idea is that you have from the 1st November to the 30th November to see if you can write a 50, 000 word novel. At the end, you get the satisfaction of having written a novel (it doesn't have to end at 50, 000 words) and you get a certificate to say that you have participated and past, that is if you submit your novel for word count verification. I have always been interested in writing my own novel and have had several failed attempts due to lifes constant interuptions, so this month, with the Nanowrimo counter and support of other Wrimos hopefully I'll get somewhere! Wish me luck! If you are also participating then let me know and we can help to motivate each other! If you're interested in participating go, here.

The other Challenge this month my friends is called, NaBloPoMo. This stands for National Blog Posting Month. The idea for this being, that you make a post on your blog everyday for a month, including weekends. I thought this would be a good challenge for me to undertake as I keep neglecting my blog. Since I only started this challenge today, my Blog Posting Month will end on the 2nd December. I sincerely hope I find some interesting stories to tell you lot during this month and I hope I can up my readership by the constant blogging. Yes, this post does count as my first one, because I say it does so ner :P. If you are also a blogger and would be interested in this challenge you can go here for more information!

Well Wrimos and Pomos, I wish you all the best of luck this month! Perhaps we can all go celebrate if we acheieve our goals, yes? Drinks on you!

Months Down The Line.

As a blogger, I've tried and tested many forms of blogging, many ideas for blogs and this one seems to be my most successful, or the one I feel most comfortable with. During the last month or so of my A Level year I started a blog called The Diaries of an A Level Student and I hoped that someone would continue it, but no such luck. Regardless of this fact, I was skimming my entries a few moments ago and I read this:

I can’t help but feel reminded about a quote from one of my favourite movies that goes as follows: “I was waiting for the moment when life as I knew it, would change.” For the character it did. But I’m not so sure if it ever will for me.

It made me smile, how naive was I? Of course life was going to change for me. Life changes for us everyday in ways that we may not even know of. I guess I was just wishing for something different, to escape the dreadfulness of a levels. I was hoping for some major change, something big and sparkily to take me away from life as it was and so it did.

Although I did not intend on choosing this path and had my heart set on an entirely different one, the path I am on now will essentially lead me to the same place, although probably a lot more prepared than if I had followed the other one. I guess it's a lesson you learn with time, that no matter how much you want life to change, it never will unless you make it. One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was from my mother (hello!) was "You are the only one who can change your life". I don't remember what it as over, but that phrase has been one that has stuck in my mind for a very long time. I do often tell others the same thing when they are unhappy, that they are the only ones who can change the circumstances to make themselves happier and it's true. If you can't do it, then no one can.

I haven't felt the best about the changes my life took, as I live away from home and everything I know and have come to learn and love. But I guess I'm getting there, I know in the long run that this will make me a better person and that there is a reason why my life ended up going along this path rather than the other one. I have to say I'm a lot more content than I ever was about it. It's one of those things that you just have to do and no matter who cries, or who is oh so very sad, or who you lose or any other circumstance, you gotta just put on a braveface and deal with it. At the end of the day, what else can you do?

Months down the line from where I was, life as I know has changed and even months from now, life will have changed again, for better or for worse, who knows? It's just something you learn to deal with it, regardless of all the protests and emotions it evokes in you. So don't fret, just accept it, Life does and will change, no matter what.

Cheating.

Did you know that 60% of men and 40% of women are likely to cheat on their partners? No, neither did I. I do believe that sometime in our lives, we are likely to cheat, or be cheated on by our partners, whomever they happen to be.

I believe this because I have once been a cheater myself. It is not a fun activity and living with the guilt afterwards just isn't any fun. There are those of us, who will never know about our partner's affair for the truth only hurts. Yet, there are those of us who choose to be honest, to confess our guilt and try and forgive ourselves for the pain that we have caused. It's not easy, but we can and we do try.

My confession comes many many months after my infidelity when the topic resurfaced. Except this time, I was the other woman. The story goes as follows. I was out celebrating a friend's birthday with many people in a quiet and cosy bar. I was having a good night being a social butterfly and being friendly from person to person. A young guy caught my eye, he was cute, beautiful eyes (I'm such an eye person!), same height as me, dark skin and fairly built. All in all, he was a potential candidate, until he had a girlfriend. But we agreed to be friends nonetheless as we live in similar areas and have similar interests.

So as the night progresses, we continue to drink and celebrate until it's chucking out time and we walk back to a house party that never happens. Meanwhile, his friends are getting on with my friends, and then suddenly we're hugging to keep each other warm. It was genuinely freezing at 2am in Northern Ireland, as it is at basically any time in this country. Eventually, we're all piling into taxis and heading to a different house for a quieter party, but a party nonetheless.

So we arrive, cuddle up on the sofa to have a chat and stay warm. God, I make it sound so romantic, it totally wasn't. He brings my arm across his chest for a hug and moves it down slowly but surely until yes, it lands on his penis. Now I know you might be going "Yeah right, that so didn't happen" and instead have pictures of me jumping him instead. But really, I was so shocked because he had a girlfriend and I wasn't intending on doing anything apart from hug. But you get the picture, my hand, his penis, hand job, done. Not so romantic now, eh?

What confused me most was, he wouldn't even kiss me. His reason? Because he had a girlfriend. I think touching your penis is a bit more intimate that kissing your lips, is it not? I suppose kissing is quite a passionate act, but isn't sharing your anatomy and doing a dirtier deed than kissing more unfaithful? Isn't it more hurtful to hear the words "I had sex with another woman" than to hear "I kissed another woman". A kiss can be forgiven somewhat easily, but sex and a fuller intimate act takes a lot of courage to forgive. No act though can relieve anyone of guilt, or hurt, or pain.

I don't know why, it just confused me and when he wouldn't kiss me, I felt sad and regretful for I knew that if his girlfriend were to find out the pain that she would feel, having been there myself. He also kept muttering how bad he felt and I told him I would stop but he didn't want to. So I made him cum right there in my hand (eww cum!). He enjoyed it but now he will feel guilt for the rest of his life, like I do.

I really need to stop getting myself into messes like this. Or maybe we need to learn to keep our anatomy in our pants and our hands to ourselves, either way, it would save a hell of a lot of hassle, don't you think?

Change Continued.

Not much can be said about packing up your life and moving elsewhere. It's one of the most horrendous tasks ever. Especially when you've just been in Spain relaxing for a week, the last thing you want to do is unpack to repack and go away again. I suppose in the long run, it might be a good thing.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. I passed my A Level exams successfully, however my firm choice wouldn't accept me with a grade lower than what they asked for and so I accepted my insurance offer. However, that means upheaval to another city, as such. It's not really a city, but more of a small town with a University attached. Regardless, new places, new people, new opportunities will mean plenty more adventures to blog about to keep you all reading and entertained, hopefully.

A lot of people are upset about my leaving, most especially my family. I personally feel indifferent about the whole situation, I'm just running around trying to pack up everything and make sure I've forgot nothing. I just want to get there and get started, the waiting around is doing my head in. Oh and I move tomorrow. I really shouldn't be blogging right now, but instead, in the shower, or throwing things into suitcases and boxes and checking things off my 4-page long list.

I never really wanted to move away in the first place, but I believe everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this change and move away, is for me to become more independent and learn how to fend for myself as I will have to do so when I move to New York sometime in the future (yes, that is my plan). Also, many of my friends who have started their 2nd A level year are contemplating highly moving to the same University the next year. Perhaps this too is a reason why I am going. So that I can set up base and then my friends can join me in a year or so. It would be great fun, and pretty mad to say the least.

For whatever reasons I am setting upon this new journey, I am going with hope that I will become a better, stronger person for it and learn more and be offered many new opportunities. Someone once said, that with every closing door, there is an opening window. As one chapter in my life closes, this new one is just being started and although there will be problems and drama and everything that comes with life itself, I have to admit, I'm quite looking forward to it. For once, I embrace change and I do not fear it, for the only fear it is best to have, is that of fear itself.

And to those of you who are also embracing change and off to University or whatnot, I wish you the best on your new adventure.

Change & Suchlike.

Did you ever notice how we spend most of our lives searching for love? How most of us are always on the look-out for 'The One' or 'Mr Right' even though half the time, the people we meet now, probably won't make it through to our futures. Wherever we end up, be it London, Paris or New York, it's very unlikely that everyone you know now will know the future you as much as you would like them to.

And yet, no matter how tough life is, we always want love. We have love in forms of family and friends, but to most of us, it's never enough. We want someone to cuddle with and kiss and spend time with, someone who knows us inside out and backwards. Well today, I'm calling off the search. It was never one I intentionally started, but I was looking for a little something, a hug, maybe even a snog (any takers?). However, my search is off and the reason for this is change.

My post yesterday was an attempt to reach out to some people who know me well enough to see that I was hurting. And it worked, my friends came rushing to my side, telling me that I should talk to them more and hoping that I was okay. Thanks to them, I'm feeling a lot better, though there is still some disappointment and hurt, it doesn't just go away in the space of a day.

As for change, my life has taken a turn around in directions I thought it would never go, I almost hoped it would never go. Unfortunately, life doesn't work out that way and it will give you the unexpected at the most unfortunate times. So, my life is changing in major ways and I don't have the time or energy to spare on searching for something I will never find. I don't mean that as in I'll never find love, I just mean that as in when you look for something, you very rarely find it. So, the search is off, and the change is on. Whether you like it or not.

I have to admit, I'm afraid of change. I always have been, scared of something changing and never being the same again, cause generally it never is. People change and life goes on, whether we are happy about it or not. Sometimes change is for the best and if you're like me, well everything happens for a reason. So these changes are for a reason whether I know what that reason is or not is another thing. I may never know, but my life will go on and I may learn a million things, or I may learn nothing from these changes. Who knows! But I'm going to try and not be so afraid of change from now on. It's inevitable really, isn't it?

I don't know how often I will get to blog in the next few weeks due to all these changes taking place, but I'll try to keep you informed, that's if you're interested. Some comments would be nice people! :P. I really don't have much else to say, I hope you all are well and I'm going to leave you with this lyric, that relates to how I feel right now:

"You got to finally just stop searching to find yourself"

Disappointment & Regret.

Isn't it funny how at A Levels, your entire future lies in someone else's hands as they have the power to make a yes/no decision that will you give a path to the future you want for yourself. It really demented my head for several days. You can ask anyone, I was freaking out all over the show. And why? Because I didn't know how else to deal with my disappointment, my regret. Even though you should never regret anything, or so they say.

On top of this, there were boy matters floating around and I thought things were good, but my attempts were unsuccessful. I can't help but feel regretful that I should have kissed him that first night and disappointed that it didn't work out. Although other feelings are floating around to do with this, some self-deprecating issues perhaps, that's another story for another day though. What can you do really, if the feeling isn't there then the feeling just isn't there. You can't force it.

So today, I've been in a right sour mood, wandering around looking rather unhappy and therefore I am going to go sleep the past few days off and I might see you around tomorrow, hopefully when I'm in a much better mood.

Apologies also, for the lack of inspiration in this blog, but hey it's a blog and I can't inspire you all the time, especially if I'm not too inspired myself. :P

Tomorrow Is The Future.

Well I know that many of you, like myself, will be recieving AS/A2 results tomorrow and/or GCSE Results next week. I'm also sure many of you, like me, are scared/worried/nervous about them.

I know nothing I say will calm the nerves but what will be will be my friends and there isn't much you can really do about it now. You just have to make that final race to the finish line and hope you get where you're going.

All I really wanted to say was, Good luck to you all and if I'm not around for a few days it's because I'm either celebrating the entire weekend, or have locked myself away in my room to mope. Or I'm hassling universities until they give me a place. Who knows really.

Either way my friends, I wish you the best of luck and I hope you get the grades you want!

Have a good weekend too!
Sami
:)

The Secret Ache.

Have you ever had a desire? A desire so strong for something that was out of your reach, or beyond your control, or had consequences that you would never be able to deal with. This desire, is so secret, that you barely even know it yourself. I know it sounds strange, but we all have secrets, so we must have secret desires.

Then comes the day when that secret something is in your grasp, but it's only there for a moment, not a second too short, or a second too long, it's just there for the time in which it needs to be there. For the time enough to make you enjoy it and loathe it all at the same time and then, before you've even had half a chance to say anything worth saying, it has gone again, out of your reach and beyond your control and you are left to live with the consequences of what happened in that one enjoyable moment.

What follows is an aching deep in your soul, an ache that hurts quite a lot because after having what you wanted, it was gone in the blink of an eye. And the consequences might not be fun and they can cause you all kinds of hassle and stress and yet you don't regret for one single moment, the joy that you felt when your desire was in reach. Yet, your heart aches because what you had was gone and you will never, ever in a lifetime have that back again.

What hurts more is, you have to deal with it all on your own, because it's such a secret desire, that you can't tell anyone. Or maybe you could but it could end up making you feel embarrassed or worried or even more stressed cause of the consequences. They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and in affairs of the heart and secret desires, this saying could not be any more true to form.

Why Do We Fall Down?

Have you ever noticed how we spend our lives reading books about people with high-flying careers, a beautiful house, a wonderful family and great friends? Often, we think how unrealistic it all seems, that having our cake and eating it too, is just a fantasy that is laid out in books for us to read and mope about how our lives don't compare.

Isn't it time we started making the unrealistic become more realistic? If we really want it all, all we have to do is work for it and persist. Persistence really is the key to everything. Most of the time, we have this dream and we all plan it out in our heads, from how we dream our weddings to be, how we dream our careers to be, our future husbands, wives, daughters, sons etc. We all plan it right down to the last intimate detail (or maybe that's just women) and yet, we always seem to settle for second best. There has to come a time in life where people must chose, do they take the fairytale path and keep persisting until they feel that their dream really can't be taken any further, or do they settle for second-best on the path that's a little dusty, but safe and familiar?

If that person chooses the dusty second-best path (not that it's a bad one), you must ask yourself why? Why did that person suddenly stop aiming for their entire life's dream. Why did that person just give up? I know life is hard and it has it seems to have it's downs a hell of a lot more than it's ups, but every time we fall down, do we really just stay down? Or do we say "Fuck this" and get back up on our feet? Rather appropriately, I feel I must quote Batman Begins, one character asks "Why do we fall down?" and the other replies "So we can learn to get back up again". And it's true, we must fall down lots, so we can learn to pick ourselves up again. If we just stayed down all the time, we'd never learn anything. That's what mistakes are for, they are learning experiences, to make you a better, stronger, happier, wiser person.

I know it's hard to be positive a lot of the time, it's hard to really see the bigger picture as I've mentioned before. But next time you fall down, in that split second when you want the world to swallow you head to toe, why don't you try and think "This happens for a reason. This is something I have to learn from." And as hard as it is, to pick yourself up again, you must try. And if you can't do it yourself, then I'm pretty damn sure, you'll have some great friends to help you on your way. So when you finally get your feet back on the ground, you'll have considered the reasons for this mistake, this fall, and have learnt something from it, whether it be, not to do it again, that you're friends are awesome for helping you, or that you simply just need to do things differently. For that one week, day, month or perhaps even a year you spend on the floor, the feeling of getting back up again as a happier, wiser, better, stronger person is the greatest thing of all.

Music Unites The Masses

Have you ever noticed, how two completely different people can like exactly the same song for two completely different reasons? And those two people can deduce different meanings from the one song. Although many songs have one obvious meaning, to someone somewhere there will always be many interpretations to one song and they will take the meaning and relate it to whatever is going on their own lives right that moment.

We all have those songs that we can relate to specific moments, or people, or places in our lives. I myself have a few such as 3 Doors Down - Here Without you and Lonestar- Baby I'm amazed by you and also The Waterboys - The Whole of the Moon. Although they are quite lovey-dovey songs, there are other songs, such as Voodoo Child which I can relate to my summer a few years ago. I find it amazing that the singers/artists/bands can make music that many people can relate to, or that can describe exactly the feelings and/or emotions that someone else in the world is going through. In saying that, I suppose a lot of us have felt a similar emotion to the one in the song at some point in our lives. But it just amazes me how music can make us feel better, or worse, or relate to our lives in ways we never imagined.

I've never been to a music festival but I have attended some concerts in my time and I got to thinking. Each concert has sold over a thousand tickets, which means over a thousand people like the same music, for similar and different reasons. And those people appreciate what those artists are doing, they can relate, or they just enjoy listening to the music and that's what makes it so good. I love finding songs that I can relate to or that are inspiring and meaningful, although they may be this to me, to other people they may be strange or not up to their music taste. Isn't it strange how there are so many different kinds of music and all of it can relate to somebody somewhere in the world?

All I know is, music seems to be a thing that brings people together, for example, at concerts, at music festivals and even in pubs, clubs and bars. And I really appreciate the fact that people can enjoy the music together even if they don't get on as friends, or as people. And to be totally cliche, I'm going to quote Abba and say, Thank you for the music, for the song's I'm singing, for all the joy they're bringing....yeah you get my point, haha. So, if you have any songs you want to share, or songs that you feel I would enjoy or be able to relate to, I'm open for suggestions. You can leave a comment or mail me at the address given on the sidebar, or better yet, subscribe using the Google box also on the sidebar! I'll be ever so grateful :P

The Difference A Day Makes.

Yesterday, I thought, "My life is falling to pieces". I thought this because I was going through a break-up and although I was the heart-breaker, it hurts just as much for me as it does the heartbroken. A break-up is a bit like a death, although it does not compare quite as much, it is still a loss and it still hurts, for all involved. But that is besides the point. I also thought "My life is falling to pieces" because I overheard some friends having a talk about me which they were not aware of. They said some hurtful things though they are unaware that I know and they won't ever know unless I really lose the rag and start yelling left right and center, which is unlikely. I also felt like this because of many other aspects of my life, things that have yet to come, things that I have done that I have to live with. But you know what?

Today, I thought, "What's the point?" what is the point in feeling crap about myself. It's just a waste of time and energy that could be better used elsewhere, being more productive and taking control of my life so I don't have to ever think "My life is falling to pieces" ever again. And although it will be difficult and it will take time to regain control, in the end, it will all be worth it. Life is all about self-discovery, about development and discovering new things about yourself, the people around you and the world in which we live. Why are we wasting our time being sad, when we could be happy? Why do we like sadness so much more? I know that happyness is a hard thing to gain, but if we aren't up for trying, then what's the point in life? There has to come a point when you just say "Fuck this, I'm going to happy, regardless of whatever crap Im going through right now."

Truth is, there will always be crap for you to go through. There will always be someone out their who is trying to take you down with them, but you have to be the better, bigger person and know not to go down, not go back to the miserable you. To stay above and beyond and be happy. And I know you've heard it a billion times before, but let's face it, your life could probably be a hell of a lot worse. So isn't it time, you took a little step backwards, had a look at your life from the outside, took an analysis and start making changes in order to improve the areas that you feel aren't up to your standard of happy? Yes, it is. It's time. So go do it, right now.

I know life is difficult and it seems that it's always "out to get you" but if you don't let it get to you as much then you will finally learn what it's all about. It's time to start living, regardless of the fact that I have just broken-up a relationship, despite the fact that my friends aren't as trustworthy as they seem. We all know really, the only person you can truly trust is yourself, and if you can't make you happy, then who can?

You are probably all wondering what's got into me, that Sami is actually posting a positive blog entry. And yes, I have to thank this blog entitled Think Simple Now because it points out the fact, that yes, it really is that simple, to be happy, to live your life, to gain control. And if that isn't enough for you, then check out Empowered Quotes, some quotes from people who may inspire you to have a good old think about your life. And so, it is with this quote, I leave you, in all my happy-glowy state of mind in hope that you too, will find a happy-glowy state of mind:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

- Mark Twain

People Are Surprising!

I know I did it again, say Im back and disappear, but really, I'm spending my time at the minute volunteering for my local summer scheme and therefore a lot of my time is taken up doing that. Anyway, I'm here, really (haha!) :P.

So the other day, I was having a chat with my friend and she told me she liked to write poetry and stories and things like I do. This surprised me because I never thought she would, I don't know why. Usually you get a sense when someones a writer, you just know, it's like a writer-detector in your brain, you can just tell when another writer has entered the room. But then we had a nice little discussion about writing and all this things (no doubt shes reading this and going, That was me!!) haha.

It got me thinking a lot about people. How people surprise you a lot, sometimes you have too low or too high expectations of people and then they surprise you by doing something better than you expected them to do and then it gets you wondering why you had such a high/low opinion of them in the first place. I guess we're all a little judgemental without meaning to be, when we first meet people, we develop a first impression and then we continue to think about their personality based on that first given impression and so when they do something unexpected, you are quite surprised.

My other friend and I had a discussion about writing, about how quite a lot of people, although mostly female, are writers. Or well, they enjoy writing poetry, stories or other such things and yet you wouldn't think it. We then went on to discuss the reasons why we write, for the most part, it's an emotional release. Everybody needs an emotional release somehow, someway and therefore writing becomes one of the main options for people to do that. Words are used in many and various ways everyday and so it shouldn't actually be that surprising when you hear that someone is a writer, or enjoys writing because it's just another way for them to release their emotions.

So yeah, maybe next time someone has got a pen and paper in hand, you should talk to them and ask how they are. Although disturbing them mid-flow isn't actually a good idea, cause like then they loose their train of thought and some piece of writing could be stopped from coming out and being a real good poem/story etc! Anyway, if you too enjoy writing and would like to share some stories or poems, I'm up for listening, just let me know. My email address is at the side if you want to do it privately!

For the meantime, take care of yourselves and I'll be back soon with more outlooks on life and everything in between! :)

The Bigger Picture

I know I was all "I'm Back, Yay!" and then I went awol for a week, but really, I am back. You see, some crap went down a week or so ago and it made me take some time out, take a step back from life and have a good old think about what was going on in my life.

You see sometimes, you get so bogged down with all the drama and madness of life at the present moment that you forget the bigger picture. The places you want to go, things you want to do, people you want to meet. All of it is just forgotten because the drama of present-life overtakes it all.

That's what happened to me, I got so caught up in the current drama I actually forgot how much of other things in life I wanted to do, see and achieve. I want to pass my A levels and go to Uni, I want to get a degree in English, I want to meet some of my online friends, I want to live in New York. I want to do all of that and more. And yet here I am thinking "What am I going to do tonight, oh my oh my!". When really, it doesn't matter, I should be working toward achieving one of my other main goals. And that's my bigger picture, I see myself, working as a journalist of some sort in New York, happy and all that. And I completely forgot about all of that because of the crap that happened a week ago.

In saying that, if the crap hadn't of happened, I wouldn't have learnt this lesson that I'm talking about now. So, next time you get bogged down in crap, just remember that there is a brighter, bigger, better picture out there, waiting for you to paint it into a masterpiece!

Blogging All Over The World

With my new blog layout, you will have noticed that I added more links to my blogroll. These are the blogs I read Daily. Some are written by good friends of mine, such as Neill at Bloggy Blog or Sarah at Soul Drift. The others I have just discovered while searching through the interweb.

You will notice that three of the new links involve New York, the place where I long to live. They are daily photo blogs, as in each day they will post a photo from New York. I think it's a nice way for me to learn about NYC and keep in touch with the city even though I'm several thousand miles away.

As well as there being Photo blogs from NYC, there are photo blogs from all over the world that are just waiting to be discovered. Such as this one from Paris, this one from Australia, this one from Las Vegas and this one from Berlin. This website contains a full list of all the daily photo blogs around the world.

I have been inspired by the many photo blogs and went searching to see if there is a Belfast one, I discovered a few but they have become inactive and I've decided to pick up where they left off and start my own Belfast Photo Blog. It's currently under construction but it can be found here. Expect updates at the end of the week, I'm still configuring the layout a bit.

I think it's such an amazing thing that we can see what's going on in places all over the world just by clicking a few buttons. It means we can watch the seasons go by in other countries as well as our own, see the similarities and differences and other such things. So, for now, I'm going to enjoy watching summer all over the world and I hope you will too.

Is chocolate better than sex?

Although I don't think this "fact" is scientifically proven, I do believe that chocolate is better than sex. For me anyway.

Sex can happen in a mountain of ways. It can be romantic, it can be cold, it can be for work, it can be wham bam thank you ma'am, it can be a lie and it can be just for fun. Having sex one night can easily turn into "Why are you calling me?" the next night and you are given the cold shoulder for the rest of your life. As far as I'm concerned, sex should mean something in order for it to be enjoyable. And if you are to have sex, just for the sake of it, then what's the point?

A wham, bam, thank you ma'am followed by absolutely zilch. What kind of life is that? The cold shoulder is not a fun thing to be on the recieving end of and this is why Chocolate is better. In the cold harsh reality of life, eating chocolate will release endorphins that make you feel better. And chocolate is a lot more accessible than men, all you have to do is go to the shop. Chocolate won't ask you dumb questions, it won't make you pregnant and it certainly doesn't make a mess all over your bed (unless you fall asleep and it melts in your hands).

After doing some research into what other people thought about Chocolate being better than sex, many of my female friends agreed with me (unlucky men eh?!), I found the following list here, which is the Top 20 reasons why Chocolate is better than sex and I wholeheartedly agree with them. So here they are, enjoy!

1. You can GET chocolate.
2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.
3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.
4. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
5. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.
6. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother.
7. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.
8. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.
9. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
10. You can have chocolate on top of your workbench/desk during working hours without upsetting your co-workers.
11. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.
12. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
13. With chocolate there's no need to fake it.
14. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
15. You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
16. Good chocolate is easy to find.
17. You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.
18. You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
19. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.
20. With chocolate size doesn't matter.

A New Understanding

Many of you who know me, will know that my ex-boyfriend/first love ran off with my now ex-best friend. This was several years ago now, but the reason I'm bringing it up is because I think I am close to understanding how it must have felt. At the time, I was upset and hurt and in a lot of pain. Loosing two of the most significant people in your life at the same time as well as several others, well it's not a very nice thing to feel.

But recently it dawned on me, that I had feelings for a friend of a friend and how difficult it was for me to keep my feelings under control (most especially since I have a boyfriend). It's been said over time that you can never help how you feel and I suppose I can't help it, but I can keep myself at bay, so as not to hurt anyone (inevitable as it is).

For my ex, he must have felt guilty for having these feelings and at the same time, not regretting having them because it's how he felt, and she was something he wanted. I know you can't always have what you want, but you can try. And if you are in a dead-end relationship and you are after someone else, then it's unfair to lead the other person on, no matter how afraid you are of loosing that person, or hurting them.

As people, it is up to us to do the right thing. To be honest and be the best person we can be, although this proves difficult. As well as dealing with our own feelings, we have to consider other people's feelings and take them into account when making decisions that involve such persons. And we also must consider the consequences of our actions, if we are to see them through.

So although I had my heart broken, my friendships lost and my life torn to shreds in a simple matter of seconds, there were reasons behind the decisions made that I have only come to realise now. In a way, I should be thankful that the relationship ended when it did, it would have been unfair on me if I was lead on by my ex and if he was to continue to lie to himself about the feelings he had for my friend.

I know some of you are probably a bit confused about my thought process right now, but when you are put at the other end of the spectrum, when history repeats itself and you are put in a different position, you begin to see and learn things in a different light. You are aware of all the dangers, of all the risks, the hurt and the pain that can be caused, and you begin to understand reasons why it had to happen.

Although I will never fully comprehend the thought process of my ex and my friend at the time, this new understanding that has come to light has made some things make a little more sense. I guess what I'm really trying to say is be honest with yourself and then be honest with those around you. Lies only create more problematic situations when the truth is finally told and you wouldn't want that now would you?

Back With A Vengeance!

Well, I don't know about the vengeance, but nonetheless, I am back! It's been a good while and I haven't been posting due to exams and other life stuff, the fun of it all, you know? Haha.

Anyway, you'll be glad to know, I'm here and I've got plenty of entries lined up to keep you guys reading for the entire summer (hopefully!) and hopefully if I advertise enough, I'll get some good responses going and all that jazz.

For now, I am going to go make the final edits to the few entries I've written already and for the meantime, you can enjoy my lovely new layout.

Before I go, I must mention about the Warchild book. You'll remember the entry I wrote entitled 'Giving Something Back', where I mentioned a book being made by Sarah J Peach called 'You're not the only one'. The story goes, a bunch of bloggers got together, sent in some stories, and they were made into a book. The idea being, that each blogger will have hopefully had an experience that someone else could relate to and that we're not the only one! Haha. So yes, the book is finally finished and so far, £1k has been made from purchases. So if you're interested, click on the link over there > somewhere and purchase your own special copy!

Anyway! I hope you guys are making the most of what little sunshine there is at the moment and come back tomorrow for the first of my new entries :)

Sami
xoxo

So, It's Been A While...

Hey Guys,

I know it's been a while since my last update and you're all probably wondering where I've disappeared too. Well, for me, it's exam season and I am undertaking very important exams so I don't really have a lot of time for blogging.

So I will consider this, a mini-hiatus and hopefully, come middle of June, I will be back, with plenty of blogs to post, a new blog look and some interesting stories! For now, I hope you all are well and that you are having fun whatever you are doing.

Since this blog was inspired by sex and the city, I feel it is only apt that I do some sex and the city promotion, the new movie is out May 30th! Go see it, I know I will! I can't wait!

So, that's done. I should be back sometime after June 13th.

Take Care
Sami & The City.

Secrets.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I've been pondering on this statement for quite a while recently. It's a statement that is used at least once everyday somewhere in the world by somebody trying to protect themselves, or to stop themselves from hurting another person. But isn't it the not knowing that hurts? We all have secrets and we all have the right to privacy, but when these secrets involve someone else, is it really a secret? And is it your right to keep it a secret?

By not telling people, you are keeping things botttled up, and talking from experience, bottling things up is never a good idea. Why? Because eventually, you will have bottled so much up that one day your gonna pop the cork(excuse the pun) and just erupt a whole galleon of emotion. And that's when people's worlds seem to come crumbling down, because they've had this build up and build up and then a final release, but in this release all they've done is show that they have made life a little more difficult for themselves than they should have.

Aren't we all encouraged to be honest and open? And isn't 'honesty the best policy?'. And if so, then why do we tell lies? Why do we hide secrets? Is it because we are afraid of hurting someone? Is it because we are afraid of being hurt ourselves? Or is it because we are too embarassed to admit to feeling something we dont want to? Or, is it because we are ashamed of ourselves? Are we keeping secrets to avoid shame and embarassment, or just pure hurt?

Can you live with the guilt (if you are guilty...) of having a secret that could destroy somebody elses whole world? In a matter of seconds, trust can be broken, but in a matter of months it can be re-built. But if someone has been dishonest and broken your trust, can you ever forgive them? You might say that yes, you trust them again, but you know deep inside that you don't and you might never trust them again.

I once ended a relationship on the basis of broken trust. I still talk to the guy as friends, though it is not often. But I don't trust him like I used to and I doubt that I ever will. And yet here I am, sitting wondering what I should do because I've got myself into a bit of a predicament (no, I'm not going to tell you what it is...!).

And having got myself into this predicament, its bringing up issues about myself. Am I really this dishonest disloyal person? Is that really who I want to be? And if not, why don't I come clean? What am I afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And if I am any sort of decent human, wouldn't I, out of pure respect for the other person, tell them that I am shit at life? Am I afraid of loosing them? And even if I want to come clean, how do I do it? Do I sit them down over a coffee and be like "Um, Im sorry but Im a dick?". Or do I tell them via telephone, text, email? How do you go about spilling your secrets?

I don't want to be dishonest. I don't want to be who I seem to have become. Yet, I still can't help wondering if its better for all of us If I lived with my own guilt and left everyone else out of it. This brings me back to my first statement about what you dont know can't hurt you. In matters of the mind and heart, what do you do when you have a secret that should be spilled but you just cant seem to spill it?

Adventures in Manland.

I know it’s been a while since my last update, but really, I’ve had no inspiration whatsoever due to the stresses of my life. As an A level student I am consistently required to be working at least 12 hours a day. Impossible, I know, but that’s the general consensus.

So the “lucky” woman that I am, I got to be privileged to go on an adventure into man-land. Man-land, my friends, is specifically, male territory, or a male night out. And no, I didn’t have to put a sock down my pants and pretend to be a male, I was there as a “girlfriend”. Don’t ask. So anyway, I decided that since I often whine about men and how shit they are it would be useful to blog about my adventure in man-land, and I know the males are looking forward to my critical opinion :P!

Upon arrival, I discovered a living room full of 5 males drinking beer and playing poker. Since I have no clue about how to play poker, I let them get on with it and sat and smiled like an idiot. During this stage of the night, I “overheard” the remark ‘ham sandwich’ followed by ‘spaghetti junction’ – and they didn’t mean it in the way of ‘I would like a ham sandwich or some spaghetti please…’ Take the comments into a sexual context, and then you’ll understand. Now, I’m not sure of what exactly was meant, or was suggested as I wasn’t supposed to hear the comment but I did. Note to men: Women aren’t deaf and they will hear everything you say while in the same room.

But moving on from the sex remark. There are some things I want to pick up on about men, one being Beer. Beer is a man-drink, without a hell of a doubt. But when your man is drinking beer, it puts me right off. I do not want to kiss your smelly beer breath cause I don’t want the beer breath myself. The second thing, Football, shortly after I was greeted and introduced, I was informed about the football associations of the group. It was like two for Arsenal or Chelsea or something blue, and Two for Liverpool, and Liverpool had just won and so there was a bit of a male atmosphere of “WE WON, FUCK YOU NERNERNAHAHA’. Delightful, absolutely delightful. Note to men: Girls do not give a living shit about football (unless they tell you specifically that they are and want to take you to a football match). I just don’t get what fun it is to kick a football around a field. Although, I stated this and was given back the statement that ‘Football is to men, what shopping is to women’. Fair enough. You stick to the football and we’ll stick to the shopping.

After leaving the house party, we moved on to a bar that we sometimes frequent. Although this bar was shit because it was headbangers night, so we left that one and moved onto another called ‘The Back Bar’. You can guess why it’s called this, because it’s at the back of another bar, well done, you’re smart. This bar wasn’t so bad, though I had never been there before and wasn’t entirely comfortable with going out of my safety zone with 4 people I barely knew, but I did. One thing I must note about this bar, is the fact that it was full of older people trying to pull and it played random tunes, but what the hey it was fun anyway. During the night, a song was request by one of my guy friends, called ‘White Lines’ – you can only guess what its about. But we were all standing in a circle when it came on and suddenly they all just started singing and moving while I stood there like a true girl, water in hand (hey, I was ill) and watched them with critical eyes, wondering just what the hell they were on about. I have to admit though, watching 4 guys move and sing consecutively was pretty funny. But following this, there were other songs, and my friends, I’m a girl and I cannot dance, but my god, those boys cannot dance! But in a good natured and friendly way, it was nice that they tried and made the effort to do so.

As the night wore on, drinks were piling in, beer after beer while I still had my one glass of water. They did try to argue with me and try to get me to drink but my statement of ‘If I have another alcoholic beverage, I will vomit on your shoes’ seemed to shut them up. So as they were getting drunker and drunker, I was getting even more sober (if that’s possible). One of the guys I was with started flirting with me which was nice in a way (even though, yes I am taken at the moment), but it’s always nice to know that there are still others out there who wouldn’t mind a piece of your ass (yes, I did just say that). So, a little flirting went on (if my man is reading this – it’s woman’s nature to flirt and you know it…!) and it was nice to flirt again with someone new, even if we both knew nothing would happen. And it was nice to talk to someone else, to learn a little bit about them and make a new connection, a new friend with them, no matter how drunk they were, or how bad they were at rock paper scissors.

At some stage during the night, when some people were drunk-tastic, we had some thumb wars (I let the side down girls and lost repeatedly!) but I did win pretty much at rock paper scissors which followed after thumb wars. The guy I was playing RPS with was drunk as hell, and when he lost he yelled ‘I am going to hell, me and Hitler and Stalin in hell!’ Good luck with that one, my friend. But I very much doubt you are going to hell because you lost rock paper scissors.

On a more serious note, it must be a guy thing, because they pick thee worst times to ask people serious and important questions. In the middle of a bar, full of drunken people and perverts, one of the guys said to the other ‘I am going to propose to my girlfriend later this year. Will you be my best man?’ Now, as sweet as it is that they were considering their friend for such an important job, I don’t quite think it was the right time to ask. I said this to the best man, and he said it was a guy thing, that it takes time and a lot of courage (via alcohol) to ask someone such a question. So in that aspect, I suppose I can see the point. But I still feel there was a better time and place for such questions to be proposed. But each to their own, really.

So, I seem to have written quite a lot on Man-land, but have gained no real insight to the complex sex we call the male species. But one thing I will mention is that women are right about one thing, men are worried about their penis size, and they do feel good if they are bigger than their friends and sometimes during flirting they actually like you, and want to take you there and then. Well note to men, sometimes women want you to take us there and then too. Unfortunately, it’s never the right time, the right place, or the right person.

And here ends my adventure into Man-land. And I admit, it wasn't that bad, it could have been worse. Now, if only I was a fly on the wall to find out what it's like when women aren't actually around (haha).

One In Several Million Others.

Often, women find themselves asking, 'Where have all the good guys gone?'. And really, where have they gone? Were they ever there in the first place? Well, ladies, I dont think they've actually gone anywhere. We just haven't found them. And why? Because they're hiding. And where are they hiding? Online, my friends, online!

According to a survey carried out by a company called Parship, there is now a 50:50 chance that your single friends are logging on to find love! In 2007 alone, 7.8 million people logged online to find a date by using an online dating website! The statistics even show that there are more men logging on than women, a mere 48% of women compared to the 52% of men!

And so far this year, 65% of singles have logged on for love! And again, according to this survey in Britain alone, there are at least 15 million single people! Isn't that astonishing? The population of Britain is around 65 million people, and if there 15 million singles, thats at least 23% of British people who are still searching! So my friends, if 7.8 million people are using online dating websites to find a partner, thats just over half of the 15 million singles!

If you have ever considered online dating websites but were too embarrassed, don't be! He's out there somewhere amongst several million others and if you are to join an online dating website, such as POF, or OK!Cupid then you are that one little step closer to finding him! And if you are still embarrassed because your other single friends are all "Omg! Online dating! How low can you get!" then show them this article with the statistics and be proud of yourself for having the confidence to put yourself out there!

Although, I will give you this. We are all well aware of the perverts and pedophiles that lurk around the interweb, so get to know someone first before you arrange to meet. And when you do, take a friend with you and get her to lurk a couple of meters behind. And then when you feel comfortable enough to take the rest of the time on your own, text her and let her know she can go home. And then, ring her when you get home safely! And then, do the same for her when she needs it! It means that you are both safe and if he turns out to be a right bore, you can text her to fake an emergency phone call and then run off for a drink together elsewhere!

But anyway, next time you are feeling down about being single, just remember this article and how you are only one single in 14 999 999 others!