Recently, I've been thinking about who I am, about all the things that define me. For example, I'm a girl, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a lover, a writer, a student, a blogger and many other things. I've been going through each of these things then in turn and seeing how well I fit into that category. Some of them are obvious, the girl for example. Others are a little more complicated, like calling myself a writer.
Sure, I write things, but most of the time they sit there and stare back at me and no one else ever gets to see them. So my plan for improvement is to write more and be a better writer and share my work with those around me and eventually, with the world in general. That way when someone asks me how to define myself and I say 'I'm a writer' I will have some proof of that to show to that person.
The real thing that's been bothering me about who I am as a person is the fact that people seem to throw fits because I'm being myself. Take a recent example, I got a little annoyed about something and now the whole dynamic of the group has changed and how people see me has changed. I'm still me, I always was me, I just happened to show the side of me where I got annoyed at something. You can't deny that people get annoyed, it's a course of nature, If I do something that pisses you off, obviously you're going to get pissed off, you know what I'm saying?
I took the better approach to the situation and I apologised for being a dickhead about it, in hope that some sort of rectification of the situation would improve the mood all-round, but after that things got worse. If we go with the old saying, things get worse before they get better, that's how I feel right now. There's still something in the pit of my stomach that tells me that things aren't right, that the way we function is now dysfunctional. You know when things change and how you know it can't ever be the same again? That's how this situation seems to be and I guess I'm a little a sad, or nostalgic or something, but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm the one who's gone and screwed us all over because it was me who got annoyed, maybe I'm paranoid because everyone else is just getting on with it and I'm trying to do the same, but it's still eating away at me.
Maybe It's just because I care too much, or I'm simply a "headcase" as some would describe it, regardless, I'm trying my hardest to get on with it, but it bothers me to no end and I've been close to getting up and walking away from everything I've built, but my sensibility stops me (thank god for that!). So, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, to say, Here I am, this is me and I won't apologise for that and so rather appropriately, I'm going to leave you with this;
Sure, I write things, but most of the time they sit there and stare back at me and no one else ever gets to see them. So my plan for improvement is to write more and be a better writer and share my work with those around me and eventually, with the world in general. That way when someone asks me how to define myself and I say 'I'm a writer' I will have some proof of that to show to that person.
The real thing that's been bothering me about who I am as a person is the fact that people seem to throw fits because I'm being myself. Take a recent example, I got a little annoyed about something and now the whole dynamic of the group has changed and how people see me has changed. I'm still me, I always was me, I just happened to show the side of me where I got annoyed at something. You can't deny that people get annoyed, it's a course of nature, If I do something that pisses you off, obviously you're going to get pissed off, you know what I'm saying?
I took the better approach to the situation and I apologised for being a dickhead about it, in hope that some sort of rectification of the situation would improve the mood all-round, but after that things got worse. If we go with the old saying, things get worse before they get better, that's how I feel right now. There's still something in the pit of my stomach that tells me that things aren't right, that the way we function is now dysfunctional. You know when things change and how you know it can't ever be the same again? That's how this situation seems to be and I guess I'm a little a sad, or nostalgic or something, but it just doesn't feel right. I feel like I'm the one who's gone and screwed us all over because it was me who got annoyed, maybe I'm paranoid because everyone else is just getting on with it and I'm trying to do the same, but it's still eating away at me.
Maybe It's just because I care too much, or I'm simply a "headcase" as some would describe it, regardless, I'm trying my hardest to get on with it, but it bothers me to no end and I've been close to getting up and walking away from everything I've built, but my sensibility stops me (thank god for that!). So, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest, to say, Here I am, this is me and I won't apologise for that and so rather appropriately, I'm going to leave you with this;
"Never apologise for showing feeling, for when you do, you apologise for the truth"
No comments:
Post a Comment