A New Understanding

Many of you who know me, will know that my ex-boyfriend/first love ran off with my now ex-best friend. This was several years ago now, but the reason I'm bringing it up is because I think I am close to understanding how it must have felt. At the time, I was upset and hurt and in a lot of pain. Loosing two of the most significant people in your life at the same time as well as several others, well it's not a very nice thing to feel.

But recently it dawned on me, that I had feelings for a friend of a friend and how difficult it was for me to keep my feelings under control (most especially since I have a boyfriend). It's been said over time that you can never help how you feel and I suppose I can't help it, but I can keep myself at bay, so as not to hurt anyone (inevitable as it is).

For my ex, he must have felt guilty for having these feelings and at the same time, not regretting having them because it's how he felt, and she was something he wanted. I know you can't always have what you want, but you can try. And if you are in a dead-end relationship and you are after someone else, then it's unfair to lead the other person on, no matter how afraid you are of loosing that person, or hurting them.

As people, it is up to us to do the right thing. To be honest and be the best person we can be, although this proves difficult. As well as dealing with our own feelings, we have to consider other people's feelings and take them into account when making decisions that involve such persons. And we also must consider the consequences of our actions, if we are to see them through.

So although I had my heart broken, my friendships lost and my life torn to shreds in a simple matter of seconds, there were reasons behind the decisions made that I have only come to realise now. In a way, I should be thankful that the relationship ended when it did, it would have been unfair on me if I was lead on by my ex and if he was to continue to lie to himself about the feelings he had for my friend.

I know some of you are probably a bit confused about my thought process right now, but when you are put at the other end of the spectrum, when history repeats itself and you are put in a different position, you begin to see and learn things in a different light. You are aware of all the dangers, of all the risks, the hurt and the pain that can be caused, and you begin to understand reasons why it had to happen.

Although I will never fully comprehend the thought process of my ex and my friend at the time, this new understanding that has come to light has made some things make a little more sense. I guess what I'm really trying to say is be honest with yourself and then be honest with those around you. Lies only create more problematic situations when the truth is finally told and you wouldn't want that now would you?

Back With A Vengeance!

Well, I don't know about the vengeance, but nonetheless, I am back! It's been a good while and I haven't been posting due to exams and other life stuff, the fun of it all, you know? Haha.

Anyway, you'll be glad to know, I'm here and I've got plenty of entries lined up to keep you guys reading for the entire summer (hopefully!) and hopefully if I advertise enough, I'll get some good responses going and all that jazz.

For now, I am going to go make the final edits to the few entries I've written already and for the meantime, you can enjoy my lovely new layout.

Before I go, I must mention about the Warchild book. You'll remember the entry I wrote entitled 'Giving Something Back', where I mentioned a book being made by Sarah J Peach called 'You're not the only one'. The story goes, a bunch of bloggers got together, sent in some stories, and they were made into a book. The idea being, that each blogger will have hopefully had an experience that someone else could relate to and that we're not the only one! Haha. So yes, the book is finally finished and so far, £1k has been made from purchases. So if you're interested, click on the link over there > somewhere and purchase your own special copy!

Anyway! I hope you guys are making the most of what little sunshine there is at the moment and come back tomorrow for the first of my new entries :)

Sami
xoxo

So, It's Been A While...

Hey Guys,

I know it's been a while since my last update and you're all probably wondering where I've disappeared too. Well, for me, it's exam season and I am undertaking very important exams so I don't really have a lot of time for blogging.

So I will consider this, a mini-hiatus and hopefully, come middle of June, I will be back, with plenty of blogs to post, a new blog look and some interesting stories! For now, I hope you all are well and that you are having fun whatever you are doing.

Since this blog was inspired by sex and the city, I feel it is only apt that I do some sex and the city promotion, the new movie is out May 30th! Go see it, I know I will! I can't wait!

So, that's done. I should be back sometime after June 13th.

Take Care
Sami & The City.

Secrets.

They say what you don't know can't hurt you, but I've been pondering on this statement for quite a while recently. It's a statement that is used at least once everyday somewhere in the world by somebody trying to protect themselves, or to stop themselves from hurting another person. But isn't it the not knowing that hurts? We all have secrets and we all have the right to privacy, but when these secrets involve someone else, is it really a secret? And is it your right to keep it a secret?

By not telling people, you are keeping things botttled up, and talking from experience, bottling things up is never a good idea. Why? Because eventually, you will have bottled so much up that one day your gonna pop the cork(excuse the pun) and just erupt a whole galleon of emotion. And that's when people's worlds seem to come crumbling down, because they've had this build up and build up and then a final release, but in this release all they've done is show that they have made life a little more difficult for themselves than they should have.

Aren't we all encouraged to be honest and open? And isn't 'honesty the best policy?'. And if so, then why do we tell lies? Why do we hide secrets? Is it because we are afraid of hurting someone? Is it because we are afraid of being hurt ourselves? Or is it because we are too embarassed to admit to feeling something we dont want to? Or, is it because we are ashamed of ourselves? Are we keeping secrets to avoid shame and embarassment, or just pure hurt?

Can you live with the guilt (if you are guilty...) of having a secret that could destroy somebody elses whole world? In a matter of seconds, trust can be broken, but in a matter of months it can be re-built. But if someone has been dishonest and broken your trust, can you ever forgive them? You might say that yes, you trust them again, but you know deep inside that you don't and you might never trust them again.

I once ended a relationship on the basis of broken trust. I still talk to the guy as friends, though it is not often. But I don't trust him like I used to and I doubt that I ever will. And yet here I am, sitting wondering what I should do because I've got myself into a bit of a predicament (no, I'm not going to tell you what it is...!).

And having got myself into this predicament, its bringing up issues about myself. Am I really this dishonest disloyal person? Is that really who I want to be? And if not, why don't I come clean? What am I afraid of? What is the worst that could happen? And if I am any sort of decent human, wouldn't I, out of pure respect for the other person, tell them that I am shit at life? Am I afraid of loosing them? And even if I want to come clean, how do I do it? Do I sit them down over a coffee and be like "Um, Im sorry but Im a dick?". Or do I tell them via telephone, text, email? How do you go about spilling your secrets?

I don't want to be dishonest. I don't want to be who I seem to have become. Yet, I still can't help wondering if its better for all of us If I lived with my own guilt and left everyone else out of it. This brings me back to my first statement about what you dont know can't hurt you. In matters of the mind and heart, what do you do when you have a secret that should be spilled but you just cant seem to spill it?

Adventures in Manland.

I know it’s been a while since my last update, but really, I’ve had no inspiration whatsoever due to the stresses of my life. As an A level student I am consistently required to be working at least 12 hours a day. Impossible, I know, but that’s the general consensus.

So the “lucky” woman that I am, I got to be privileged to go on an adventure into man-land. Man-land, my friends, is specifically, male territory, or a male night out. And no, I didn’t have to put a sock down my pants and pretend to be a male, I was there as a “girlfriend”. Don’t ask. So anyway, I decided that since I often whine about men and how shit they are it would be useful to blog about my adventure in man-land, and I know the males are looking forward to my critical opinion :P!

Upon arrival, I discovered a living room full of 5 males drinking beer and playing poker. Since I have no clue about how to play poker, I let them get on with it and sat and smiled like an idiot. During this stage of the night, I “overheard” the remark ‘ham sandwich’ followed by ‘spaghetti junction’ – and they didn’t mean it in the way of ‘I would like a ham sandwich or some spaghetti please…’ Take the comments into a sexual context, and then you’ll understand. Now, I’m not sure of what exactly was meant, or was suggested as I wasn’t supposed to hear the comment but I did. Note to men: Women aren’t deaf and they will hear everything you say while in the same room.

But moving on from the sex remark. There are some things I want to pick up on about men, one being Beer. Beer is a man-drink, without a hell of a doubt. But when your man is drinking beer, it puts me right off. I do not want to kiss your smelly beer breath cause I don’t want the beer breath myself. The second thing, Football, shortly after I was greeted and introduced, I was informed about the football associations of the group. It was like two for Arsenal or Chelsea or something blue, and Two for Liverpool, and Liverpool had just won and so there was a bit of a male atmosphere of “WE WON, FUCK YOU NERNERNAHAHA’. Delightful, absolutely delightful. Note to men: Girls do not give a living shit about football (unless they tell you specifically that they are and want to take you to a football match). I just don’t get what fun it is to kick a football around a field. Although, I stated this and was given back the statement that ‘Football is to men, what shopping is to women’. Fair enough. You stick to the football and we’ll stick to the shopping.

After leaving the house party, we moved on to a bar that we sometimes frequent. Although this bar was shit because it was headbangers night, so we left that one and moved onto another called ‘The Back Bar’. You can guess why it’s called this, because it’s at the back of another bar, well done, you’re smart. This bar wasn’t so bad, though I had never been there before and wasn’t entirely comfortable with going out of my safety zone with 4 people I barely knew, but I did. One thing I must note about this bar, is the fact that it was full of older people trying to pull and it played random tunes, but what the hey it was fun anyway. During the night, a song was request by one of my guy friends, called ‘White Lines’ – you can only guess what its about. But we were all standing in a circle when it came on and suddenly they all just started singing and moving while I stood there like a true girl, water in hand (hey, I was ill) and watched them with critical eyes, wondering just what the hell they were on about. I have to admit though, watching 4 guys move and sing consecutively was pretty funny. But following this, there were other songs, and my friends, I’m a girl and I cannot dance, but my god, those boys cannot dance! But in a good natured and friendly way, it was nice that they tried and made the effort to do so.

As the night wore on, drinks were piling in, beer after beer while I still had my one glass of water. They did try to argue with me and try to get me to drink but my statement of ‘If I have another alcoholic beverage, I will vomit on your shoes’ seemed to shut them up. So as they were getting drunker and drunker, I was getting even more sober (if that’s possible). One of the guys I was with started flirting with me which was nice in a way (even though, yes I am taken at the moment), but it’s always nice to know that there are still others out there who wouldn’t mind a piece of your ass (yes, I did just say that). So, a little flirting went on (if my man is reading this – it’s woman’s nature to flirt and you know it…!) and it was nice to flirt again with someone new, even if we both knew nothing would happen. And it was nice to talk to someone else, to learn a little bit about them and make a new connection, a new friend with them, no matter how drunk they were, or how bad they were at rock paper scissors.

At some stage during the night, when some people were drunk-tastic, we had some thumb wars (I let the side down girls and lost repeatedly!) but I did win pretty much at rock paper scissors which followed after thumb wars. The guy I was playing RPS with was drunk as hell, and when he lost he yelled ‘I am going to hell, me and Hitler and Stalin in hell!’ Good luck with that one, my friend. But I very much doubt you are going to hell because you lost rock paper scissors.

On a more serious note, it must be a guy thing, because they pick thee worst times to ask people serious and important questions. In the middle of a bar, full of drunken people and perverts, one of the guys said to the other ‘I am going to propose to my girlfriend later this year. Will you be my best man?’ Now, as sweet as it is that they were considering their friend for such an important job, I don’t quite think it was the right time to ask. I said this to the best man, and he said it was a guy thing, that it takes time and a lot of courage (via alcohol) to ask someone such a question. So in that aspect, I suppose I can see the point. But I still feel there was a better time and place for such questions to be proposed. But each to their own, really.

So, I seem to have written quite a lot on Man-land, but have gained no real insight to the complex sex we call the male species. But one thing I will mention is that women are right about one thing, men are worried about their penis size, and they do feel good if they are bigger than their friends and sometimes during flirting they actually like you, and want to take you there and then. Well note to men, sometimes women want you to take us there and then too. Unfortunately, it’s never the right time, the right place, or the right person.

And here ends my adventure into Man-land. And I admit, it wasn't that bad, it could have been worse. Now, if only I was a fly on the wall to find out what it's like when women aren't actually around (haha).

One In Several Million Others.

Often, women find themselves asking, 'Where have all the good guys gone?'. And really, where have they gone? Were they ever there in the first place? Well, ladies, I dont think they've actually gone anywhere. We just haven't found them. And why? Because they're hiding. And where are they hiding? Online, my friends, online!

According to a survey carried out by a company called Parship, there is now a 50:50 chance that your single friends are logging on to find love! In 2007 alone, 7.8 million people logged online to find a date by using an online dating website! The statistics even show that there are more men logging on than women, a mere 48% of women compared to the 52% of men!

And so far this year, 65% of singles have logged on for love! And again, according to this survey in Britain alone, there are at least 15 million single people! Isn't that astonishing? The population of Britain is around 65 million people, and if there 15 million singles, thats at least 23% of British people who are still searching! So my friends, if 7.8 million people are using online dating websites to find a partner, thats just over half of the 15 million singles!

If you have ever considered online dating websites but were too embarrassed, don't be! He's out there somewhere amongst several million others and if you are to join an online dating website, such as POF, or OK!Cupid then you are that one little step closer to finding him! And if you are still embarrassed because your other single friends are all "Omg! Online dating! How low can you get!" then show them this article with the statistics and be proud of yourself for having the confidence to put yourself out there!

Although, I will give you this. We are all well aware of the perverts and pedophiles that lurk around the interweb, so get to know someone first before you arrange to meet. And when you do, take a friend with you and get her to lurk a couple of meters behind. And then when you feel comfortable enough to take the rest of the time on your own, text her and let her know she can go home. And then, ring her when you get home safely! And then, do the same for her when she needs it! It means that you are both safe and if he turns out to be a right bore, you can text her to fake an emergency phone call and then run off for a drink together elsewhere!

But anyway, next time you are feeling down about being single, just remember this article and how you are only one single in 14 999 999 others!

A Quick Hello.

Hey Guys!

This post is just to let you know that I'm alive. Things are a bit mad at my side of town. I've been having my room renovated and my computer hasn't been plugged in and I haven't really had the time to sit down and blog.

However, I have had some ideas which I've jotted down and you should expect some new stuff within the next week or so as things begin to get back on track. Also, expect a complete new blog makeover with some new photos and stuff! I've had some nice ideas for this place.

So anyway, I hope you're all having a Good Easter and try not to eat too many Easter eggs! :P

I'm gonna try with this blog as well, to bring things onto a personal level, I realised I might sound really condescending in some of my entries and stuff and that's not what I want. But yeah, some changes are on their way!

Have fun!
Sami
:)