This Is What I Know Now.

Well, this entry is going to be my last for a while. It's a goodbye to you, my readers, and to a few others who will read between the lines and hopefully understand.

I'm stopping writing here for a while because my entries seem to have become more about my personal life than I had hoped. That's not what I started this blog for. So, I'm going to take some time out, get to know myself and write things my way. I'll probably move sites or re-do this one and start again, but don't worry I'll keep you updated when progress is made.

So, I titled this entry 'This is What I know Now' because over the past few months, I have learnt a hell of a lot and well, in this goodbye, there are things that I know now, things that I will take with me wherever I go. I guess, in some ways, I expected the things I know now, and in some I didn't. But that's one of the things I know now, that you should expect the unexpected, things will happen regardless of whether you want them to or not and although you should try and find the best in people, to have a little faith in humanity, people will let you down and hurt you and that's just something none of us can escape.

Another thing about people is that they come and they go. It's kind of something that happens in life. You made friends in primary school and secondary and with every moment within your life, and then you say Goodbye to those people and meet new ones. That is what has happened, or well, is happening in my life at the moment. It's not that we want to stop being friends, it's just that we've changed. I took a big leap out of people's lives and other people stepped in to fill my place and people have filled theirs. That's just how it goes. So, we get up and we move on because that's the only thing we can do. And sure, I might not have as much fun as I used to, or I might not do the things I used to do, but I do different things and I have different fun. It's kind of what growing up is.

Other people in your life might not understand what you're doing or saying, or even understand you at all, no one said you had to make sense, but one day in the future they might experience something similar and then they'll understand that you did what you had to do. Yes, I am sorry that things have to happen this way, but they just do because I can't be who I was and I can't pretend, so I'm getting up, walking away and moving on and you will do it too and maybe we'll stop and chat when we see each other in the street and we will still have that connection, or that coffee, for old times sake but that's all it will ever be. And yes, I'm aware that these new people are going to hurt and upset me, hell they already have, but like I said, that's what happens.

So this is what I know now. I know that we're all changing and we have to let each other go in order to move forward. I know that we will all look back with fondness and cherish each memory and the time that we have shared. I also know that we will look forward with a smile, that we will move on and learn that this is how life goes. I also know, that we wish each other well. So, react to this if you want, but this is how I feel and I won't apologise for that. I don't know what else to say about this situation, I wish you all well my friends.

The final thing I know now is, this is goodbye and I will return when I've made progress and fixed some things that need to be fixed. So, take care and enjoy!

Sami & The City.

Change & Suchlike.

Did you ever notice how we spend most of our lives searching for love? How most of us are always on the look-out for 'The One' or 'Mr Right' even though half the time, the people we meet now, probably won't make it through to our futures. Wherever we end up, be it London, Paris or New York, it's very unlikely that everyone you know now will know the future you as much as you would like them to.

And yet, no matter how tough life is, we always want love. We have love in forms of family and friends, but to most of us, it's never enough. We want someone to cuddle with and kiss and spend time with, someone who knows us inside out and backwards. Well today, I'm calling off the search. It was never one I intentionally started, but I was looking for a little something, a hug, maybe even a snog (any takers?). However, my search is off and the reason for this is change.

My post yesterday was an attempt to reach out to some people who know me well enough to see that I was hurting. And it worked, my friends came rushing to my side, telling me that I should talk to them more and hoping that I was okay. Thanks to them, I'm feeling a lot better, though there is still some disappointment and hurt, it doesn't just go away in the space of a day.

As for change, my life has taken a turn around in directions I thought it would never go, I almost hoped it would never go. Unfortunately, life doesn't work out that way and it will give you the unexpected at the most unfortunate times. So, my life is changing in major ways and I don't have the time or energy to spare on searching for something I will never find. I don't mean that as in I'll never find love, I just mean that as in when you look for something, you very rarely find it. So, the search is off, and the change is on. Whether you like it or not.

I have to admit, I'm afraid of change. I always have been, scared of something changing and never being the same again, cause generally it never is. People change and life goes on, whether we are happy about it or not. Sometimes change is for the best and if you're like me, well everything happens for a reason. So these changes are for a reason whether I know what that reason is or not is another thing. I may never know, but my life will go on and I may learn a million things, or I may learn nothing from these changes. Who knows! But I'm going to try and not be so afraid of change from now on. It's inevitable really, isn't it?

I don't know how often I will get to blog in the next few weeks due to all these changes taking place, but I'll try to keep you informed, that's if you're interested. Some comments would be nice people! :P. I really don't have much else to say, I hope you all are well and I'm going to leave you with this lyric, that relates to how I feel right now:

"You got to finally just stop searching to find yourself"