To Nit-Pick Or Not To Nit-pick?

I am a student of the arts. Mainly of, the creative arts such as Media studies and English. However, recently I've been studying for an upcoming English module retake and I got so frustrated with all the silly information I have to learn.

Literature is defined as: "the writings dealing with a particular subject". Nowhere, in that definition does it suggest that literature is where we analyze a play, a poem, or a story in anyway. What good does that do anyone? Literature, literally, is writing that deals with a particular subject. And the writer is likely to identify this subject in the introduction, or notes. Therefore, why do we insist on nit-picking things apart?

Is it just human instinct? Do we need to nit-pick, to find the flaws and the perfections and meanings so that we ourselves can identify with what the writer is trying to say? Can we not just accept things for what they are? And what they were meant to be? Is it really necessary for us to pull things apart to see the bigger picture? And if so, are we really that blind that we can't see it in the first place?

As I am writing these words, are you trying to find a hidden meaning in what I'm trying to say? Are you thinking "Oh shes writing this because she is upset with her life because she cant revise literature and therefore wrote this post as a result"? Well, let me tell you something.

I'm writing this post because I am a writer. I am interested in the particular subject of literature and therefore am dealing with it in the way that literature defines me to do so. I am not using smilies, or rhetorical questions so that you can sit here and pick apart every word I've just written in order to find a hidden meaning.

There is no hidden meaning. This is what I'm saying. This is not what literature is about. We should be being taught how to put into effect the things which we are told to look for. That way, we can identify on how to do them ourselves and then we won't need to nit-pick things apart, because we'll know what to look for and will understand things as the bigger picture.

So now I'm off to be the good literature student that I am [not..] and nit-pick apart some Seamus Heaney, Brian Friel and William Shakespeare. And I bet, in the time that these writers existed, not one of the audience was thinking of the hidden meaning while watching the play or reading the poem.

Repetition, Repetition, Repetition.

I've had a private journal for four years now and just the other day I was reading some of my backdated entries.

Much to my horror, I realized that some of things I used to complain about all those years ago, somehow, I still seem to complain about them now. Although the situations usually involve different people or places. Something is different but yet my complaint is the same.

It got me thinking. Are we destined to make the same repetitive mistakes? Are we just living the same old story with brand new people? And can we ever change its course? Can we somehow live the same story but negotiate the outcome?

I once wrote in a poem 'Because that's what the present is, just an updated version of the past'. It wasn't until now that I realized how true my words were.

And they say that you learn from your mistakes. If we are making the same mistakes over and over, are we really ever learning anything?

Turn The Lights On.

I once heard the lyric:

'It's hard to be courageous in a world that doesn't care for you.'

Lately, I've discovered how true this statement is. Life is hard, life is unfair and from my experiences, life will almost always disappoint you. Now I know that sounds terribly depressing and you're probably all groaning and thinking 'then what's the fucking point?'. Trust me, if I knew the answer to that question, I'd be a millionaire by now.

I was lying in my bed last night, plunged into the darkness and I was feeling lonely and lost and completely stupid. And when you're in this state, you do truly begin to wonder about the world and whether it does truly care for you. Really, it doesn't.

There is one time in your life when it will. The world will care for you in your fifteen minutes of fame. But once those fifteen minutes are over you are thrown back to the hungry wolves and left to struggling to fend for yourself and trying to make it through another day. And when you're struggling,that's when you realize you need to find a way out. You could befriend a wolf, become a wolf or hide/run away from them. But what keeps you going, is hope and knowing. You know and/or you hope, that you will make it through.

And although the world may not care, if you take that step and be courageous you will find out that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. You just need to find a way to turn it on. I somehow managed to turn mine on by confiding in a friend, who at the same time is a complete stranger. But at 2am, they were there for me and somewhere in the darkness, a light turned on for me and it gave me hope that I was able to go on. And although the light turned on, and the world opened up to me, it still didn't care, but neither did I.

All that matters is just existing and knowing that someone out there does care and will be there to help you turn the light on, if needs be. And even if their advice isn't the greatest, you could always take a trip to IKEA and buy a night light and turn it on yourself.

People won't always be there for you, and that's when you learn that sometimes, you just gotta take care of yourself.

Forget California, Manhattan Here We Come.

Ever since I was able to stand on my own two feet and many years after, I have dreamed of living in New York City. I cannot tell you why, cause the reasons are endless, and yet, I know not one of why I should go there. I visited the City in August 07. And needless to say, it was amazing, all that I expected and more. And visiting it has compelled my desire to live there even more.

Yet, I am still young and have many years still to come before I can ever consider applying for a visa application to become an American Citizen, now that will be amazing. So for the meantime, I've been trying to make New York come to Belfast. And that is no easy job.

After watching Sex and the City late one Friday evening, I felt compelled even more to try to bring the lifestyle that I want to my life at the current moment. My girlfriends and I have talked many a time about dressing up and going to a cocktail bar. And that was my inspiration for research.

Maybe if we even just threw on a nice sexy glittery dress and went to a cocktail bar in Belfast, and had just one Cosmopolitan, we'd somehow take a step towards Manhattan [maybe, we'll have one of those too ;P].

And although Manhattan is my dream, perhaps a few cocktails and a new adventure will convince my girlfriends too.

Opportunities can change your life.

I am a member of a local Youth Forum and I know, that sounds like the nerdiest thing in the entire world, but it is one of the best things in my life right now.

Last year, I had the opportunity to take part in a one week long Trainee Leadership course. From this course, I gained a qualification, more confidence and new friends. It has since, been one of the many things that I am thankful to have in my life.

I also had the opportunity to go to Berlin for 4 days, in November, to take part in some workshops there in co-operation with a German youth group. We had such an amazing time there and ever since have vowed to go back. And even moreso, we have remained part of our youth forum.

In may this year, we also had the opportunity to organize and run a Formal for the youth of the east of our city. It was an amazing experience, and although stressful, we pulled it off and everyone managed to have a fantastic time, including us.

We had planned to do Halloween and Christmas events, although we did not have enough time to organise the Halloween one and Christmas is fast approaching so we are not sure how this is going to pan out.

However, just this past weekend, the Berlin Youth Group came to my city and we toured them around, took them to museums, shopping, ice skating and basically gave them the good time that they gave us. I had such a good time with them and I actually felt, part of something wonderful. I felt like I had achieved something.

And you are probably wondering what this has all got to do with opportunities and how they can change your life. Well, to be honest, I know most of you in this city, would turn your noses up at the smallest opportunity to become part of a youth group because you'd rather wander the cold cold streets and throw bricks at people, that's fine, that's your choice. But if there is any doubt, whatsoever, in your mind and you, even just for a second, contemplate joining the group when you are offered to. Then you should.

If you never take the opportunities that are thrown at you, then you may never know what you could have been, could have done, what could have become of you and you become of what. You could have met some amazing people, gone to some amazing places, done some amazing things, achieved new and more qualifications that will help you in the future, but if you don't take the opportunity, then you will never know. I'll be honest, when I was offered the opportunity to join this youth forum, I did have my doubts, but now, I wouldn't change anything for the world.

And to any of you, the German group, the youth forum, if you ever happen, to just stumble across this page and realize that I am talking about you, then take heed, because I want to thank you, for making the youth forum what it is and for making a difference, even if it was just small, in my life. You have made me part of who I am today and for that, I appreciate everything that happens.

So next time, any of you are thrown an opportunity like mine, just say yes, what harm can it do.

Opportunities really can change your life.

People and The Truth.

Do you ever forget that people are actually people? I know that sounds ridiculously silly, I mean, how could you forget that you are a person. But, do you ever realize, that the people around you, who influence your daily lives, for example, a teacher, actually is a person? An actual human being, who has feelings.

I was walking from class to lunch when I saw my English teacher, buy some fruice. And as stupid as this sounds, it took something as simple as that to make me realize how human he actually is. It humanized him. And it got me thinking, do you ever forget that people are people? It was earlier in the day also, when my media studies teacher had a rant at us about how students forget that teachers are humans too. They think that they just sit and do all the marking and work at the weekends and that they don't actually have lives and/or feelings.

And it's so true! It got me thinking, I don't want to end up like that. I don't want people to see me as this robotic person who doesn't have feelings, or a life. And I almost wanted to go and confess everything I felt to my closest friends. Who, although they know lots, don't know everything. But, admittedly, I stopped myself from confessing because I'm afraid of the consequences, almost, afraid of the truth.

If you speak it, then you are acknowledging that you feel it, and you are accepting it as a truth. And sometimes, the truth really does hurt. And I've probably got you all wanting to know what it is that I feel deep down inside and what it is I wanted to come and confess, but unfortunately, until I am ready to confess this truth to you guys, then you will not know and you may never know.

I know, often enough, it's the not knowing that is the hardest. But sometimes, not knowing is for yours, or my, protection. And like they say, what you don't know, doesn't hurt you. And I think, that's best for all of us.

[P.S. Check out my blogroll, my friend Sarah has a blog similar to this and I'm sure she'd appreciate it, if you even had a look!].

Complexities Of The Mind

As an A level student, I am up early, I work for 6/7 hours straight, come home, rest for a bit, then get started on homework. My mind is in a consistent cycle, always thinking, right until I go to sleep. I probably even think in my sleep [if that's possible]. Dreams could just be our thoughts only more fantasized.

Anyway, my point is, my mind is in constant motion and as an a level student, my thoughts are always being challenged. I am developing a more extensive knowledge and understanding of the subjects I am studying and the world itself. I have come to terms with this and I find it interesting, yet I am somewhat comforted by the fact that at least I am learning something and developing my intelligence.

Yet, my mind never rests and it tires my entire self out. My mind is a detailed and complex thing that I will never understand. But now, my thoughts are complex too. And sometimes, it is hard-going, trying to make sense of what I'm thinking, this article, is a perfect example. I don't know if writing about the complexities of the mind, my mind, will help me any, but maybe, one of you will understand, if not, well I guess I can deal with it.

As a writer, I try to make sense of my thoughts by writing them, in a poem, in a story, or just in a blog entry, a diary entry, a script, some kind of something to do with writing I suppose. Although, at the best of times, this proves difficult. Each of the aforementioned documents contain structure and trying to structure thoughts as well as trying to make sense of them, ends up leaving me more confused than what I already was [although, that is not hard to do these days!].

I mean, I doubt that many of you, have even thought about how complex the mind is and/or can be. And I doubt that many of you have had very detailed and complex thoughts like mine, though I dont mean that in an arrogant, or I'm better than you, kind of way. It is not a hardship, but nor is it easy. It is, as mentioned, a complex thing.

I cannot seem to find a definition to describe, what these thoughts are like, or what they compare to, or find a simple definition just to try to make you understand. And I doubt this entry, will have any significance to any of you, but I just wanted to share this, to let you know, that it is not easy trying to write and nor is it easy having a complex mind.

I mean, all I have to do, is to listen to a song, or read a book, or a quote and the complexities are set in motion and as the cycle of thinking goes ever on, so does the cycle of life.