Life's Journey.

These past few days have been stressful and exhausting and my plan of going back to Uni and not worrying about anything epic failed in a most spectacular fashion.

I *almost* got kicked out of my house for something I didn't do, but somehow managed to get out of it which I am 100% thankful and appreciative of. Now, all I have to do is worry about my housemate who is in a very similar situation.

Suprisingly, I've been back at Uni for three days and have not yet attended class, I had friends find out the info I needed though so I know whats going on - friends are win ;P.

I am feeling rather pensive right now, due to the fact that it's Sunny out, there is a nice breeze blowing and birds chirping too. It feels like a nice summer afternoon, all we need is a barbecue followed by some ice cream and a trip to the beach - all which are probably possible.

I'm trying my damnedest not to think about all the men involved in my life at the moment - those who have come and gone, those who are still lingering around, those of recent days and those who I actually feel for. It's damn hard though when you have time on your hands and nothing to fill it with.

Maybe I should allow myself time to think about it, sort it all out in my head, or maybe I should just get some rest, then have some fun and chillax with some friends. I just don't know how I should feel, and I wish someone else would tell me how they feel too, so maybe I could find a reaction that lets me know what to feel.

I guess I should just go with the flow and let whatever happens, happen. After all, it's not about the destination, it's about the journey.

What A Week!

You know, it's only been 9 days since my last post and it feels like forever. So much has happened since then, mainly in the past few days.

I had my first exam last week which went suprisingly well for having not revised and reading up on the books on sparknotes the night before. Ohh yeah look at me go :P. I also had an exam this morning, which I finished within the first hour and left as soon as I could. I'm currently in the Uni library waiting on all the other dudes to finish so we can go for lunch and do fun things.

My exams are now over and my coursework is basically done, I just have to print some stuff and then put the audio files on a disk and we'll be flying. This means I can come on Wednesday since I can hand in my coursework early. Yay, an extra day of tidying and preparing for the weekend. I'm having a party bisnatches, you know where it's at. If you want an invite, talk to me :P.

Now my exams are over and coursework's done, theres only one thing left for me to worry about. The disaplinary interview I have tomorrow morning, to do with the small fire that may have occured in my Uni house. Yeah, it's hilairous isn't it? I did laugh, but now I'm worried, I shall live, though possibly not in that house anymore (yeah, it's that serious!).

You know, only I could make it through the first semester with a broken bed, several hundred water fights, a formal warning for a party and a small fire in my house. You wanna try? Go for it. But trust me, the trouble and worrying definitely isn't worth it!

A Winter Cold

I know I said I'd try to update once a week and I failed that last week, but I took ill and I was in bed for four days basically trying to nurse myself better. Though I am feeling a lot better, my health has not fully restored and so you're lucky to be getting this entry :P.

I really haven't been doing much. I went back to Uni on Tuesday this week as I had work to hand in and I wanted to see everyone before Christmas. It was nice to spend some time there again, I had begun to feel like I had dreamt it's entire existence. It's weird how attached I am now to that life, the one that I built all by myself. No parents there to guide me, just me, the flat, the flatmates, classes and an instinct to make myself a life and I did it.

I 100% did it. I have friends from class, I handed all my work in on time, I get on with my housemates and life is pretty decent. Of course, I'm home now for Christmas break and apart from my two exams, I'm pretty much here until February. So deal with it bitches. Sami has returned to the city. As sad as I am that I've put my handmade life on hold for a month or two, I am grateful to be spending Christmas with friends and family and It gives me time to re kindle my relationship with the city.

Afterall, this blog is based on my adventures there, beneath the big city lights. So here's to a month full of adventure for you to read about - adventures of Sami and the City.

Enjoy!

This Is My Life Now.

I was sitting around earlier in my University living room and having since discovered that home is a little out of balance right now, I began to think about how much my life has changed. I had my heart and hopes set on going somewhere else but I never got there. My relationship with that place has faltered since and I seem to avoid it as much as is possible.

In September, I was just an 18 year old girl, who passed her A Level Results and was heading off to University, an hour and a half away from home. I remember that very first day we drove down to get my keys for accommodation. My mum and Dad have the same car, though they are no longer together, so we got both the cars and piled it high with everything I was ever going to need. I drove with my mum and my sister drove with my dad. We were like troops traveling in a pack together.

We unpacked, ate together and I kept sending my friends Update texts as the day progressed. I had felt sad when my family left and I was here on my own because none of my housemates had arrived. I spent the first three days by myself and then headed home. I remember going on webcam and showing everyone my new room, how plain and boring and unwelcome it had seemed that very first day.

Now, I've decorated and added my own style to the place, I've made friends and I have changed and grown as a person. I don't miss home that much but I still go home, for my family and I'd like to hope that they still care - my friends. Having recently acquired a new sense of perspective, this really is my life now. I travel back and forth on Fridays and Sundays and I spend my week between reading the twilight series, going to class, having water fights and writing my novel.

Regardless of the fact that I'm not the person I was and I don't live where I have done my entire life, I do enjoy the company here, I enjoy the banter and I don't even mind the classes. Christmas break is fast approaching and I know I'm going to miss being here for a few weeks even though I revel in the fact that I'm in the city, I love the lights and the hustle and bustle, but along with that go the memories and places and people that have been a part of me, that sometimes I want to escape from.

THIS is my life now and I have to accept that, whether or not I want to. My friends and family have to accept it too, life has given me this path, it's not that I wanted it in the first place, but I know I'm on a path to somewhere better, something more than what I know of life as it is. So please, for my sake, accept that things have changed, that this is who I am, what I do, this is my life now and nothing can change that.

Home.

We all have that one place that we call home. The place we were born and have lived in most of our lives, where our childhood memories our, our young dreams, our scraped knees and broken hearts. There is no place like home.

But what if, you not really by choice, have to move away? You become part of a new set of people, new friends and people you become close to and adopt as a temporary family. It's a home away from home, not because you want it to be but because it has to be. What if you suddenly start enjoying it? It doesn't seem so bad.

I know this because I've done it. I really wasn't ever keen on moving away from home to go to University, unfortunately, life gave me that as a choice that I could follow or I'd not go to University at all. At first, I missed my real home, my family, my friends and the life I left behind and yes, sometimes I still miss it, but not as much. It's not so bad for me because I only live an hour and a half away, home really isn't far, but it's still far enough.

Far enough for me to miss it and at the same time, not. Far enough for bonds to break and hearts to ache. Just far enough. I've grown accustomed now, to my temporary home and I have lightened up and learnt to enjoy it. I guess there is no point moping around all day, you gotta take what's given to you and enjoy it. Otherwise, it's a pretty sad existence.

So regardless, of where you are, or who you miss, or what you no longer have, can do, or feel, just throw caution to the wind and enjoy it and you might actually learn something about yourself.

Take a risk, it's what life's about.

Pride

It's been two months now since I first upped and left for University and I have to admit, I'm pretty proud of myself.

I've started enjoying University a lot more now and it's been fun regardless of the drama or the formal warnings.

I don't miss home as much, I'm used to it and it isn't that bad because I go home most weekends.

So University is all good and I'm enjoying myself quite a bit. I'm proud of myself, I really am :)

Feet Back On The Ground.

Recently, I haven't been feeling the greatest and I did really get myself upset about a good few things. My friends are pretty awesome though and are able to pick up on these things immediately and come and say, 'Yo, bisnatch, what's the craic?' and help to sort me out.

So, it's safe to say my feet are firmly back on the ground and I brought some clarity to my life. I know what I've been doing and why and now I know what I can and can't do and how to sort myself out. It all finally makes sense :)

So, with that, I really must shoot off, I've a suitcase to pack, a self to dress and feed and a train to catch. University, here I come.

I'll see you tomorrow :)

Change Continued.

Not much can be said about packing up your life and moving elsewhere. It's one of the most horrendous tasks ever. Especially when you've just been in Spain relaxing for a week, the last thing you want to do is unpack to repack and go away again. I suppose in the long run, it might be a good thing.

If you have no clue what I'm talking about, let me fill you in. I passed my A Level exams successfully, however my firm choice wouldn't accept me with a grade lower than what they asked for and so I accepted my insurance offer. However, that means upheaval to another city, as such. It's not really a city, but more of a small town with a University attached. Regardless, new places, new people, new opportunities will mean plenty more adventures to blog about to keep you all reading and entertained, hopefully.

A lot of people are upset about my leaving, most especially my family. I personally feel indifferent about the whole situation, I'm just running around trying to pack up everything and make sure I've forgot nothing. I just want to get there and get started, the waiting around is doing my head in. Oh and I move tomorrow. I really shouldn't be blogging right now, but instead, in the shower, or throwing things into suitcases and boxes and checking things off my 4-page long list.

I never really wanted to move away in the first place, but I believe everything happens for a reason. Perhaps this change and move away, is for me to become more independent and learn how to fend for myself as I will have to do so when I move to New York sometime in the future (yes, that is my plan). Also, many of my friends who have started their 2nd A level year are contemplating highly moving to the same University the next year. Perhaps this too is a reason why I am going. So that I can set up base and then my friends can join me in a year or so. It would be great fun, and pretty mad to say the least.

For whatever reasons I am setting upon this new journey, I am going with hope that I will become a better, stronger person for it and learn more and be offered many new opportunities. Someone once said, that with every closing door, there is an opening window. As one chapter in my life closes, this new one is just being started and although there will be problems and drama and everything that comes with life itself, I have to admit, I'm quite looking forward to it. For once, I embrace change and I do not fear it, for the only fear it is best to have, is that of fear itself.

And to those of you who are also embracing change and off to University or whatnot, I wish you the best on your new adventure.