So, the other night I was out at a party for Halloween and it was great fun. The house was big, the alcohol was flowing and the people were partying. I was having a great time just mingling with all my friends and the new people I had never met before.
I went upstairs to use the bathroom when one of the bedroom doors opened and a guy was sitting on the floor. He startled me, but he said Hello and introduced himself. Let's call him C shall we? So C had been put into this bedroom, which had no working lights by A1 (not using names to protect identity). A1 had told C to calm down and stay in that room until he felt better, but C was bored and needed water which is why he opened the door when he heard me wandering around. So I went and got some water for C and sat down and started chatting to him.
We were chatting about Anime and if I, being a girl, had seen any. I told him that I had as my new housemate had introduced me to a few and my exes has shown me some as well. Then he started hugging me cause he was cold. I know that sounds like a ploy, but you have no idea how cold that house was. It was a big old victorian-style house with single glazing and heating that takes 400 hours to start working. So it was cold.
So there we were, C and I, in a room with no working lights, hugging and chatting. C was quite intoxicated (alcohol, you know?) and he was talking in a half-Irish, half-Scottish accent. He was telling me I was a "Beautiful Lass" with "Really smooth skin and smooth hair". I started laughing at him in his silly little accent and then he said "Oh no! I think me penis jumped up". This made me laugh even more, which made his 'penis jump' more. In all my life, a laugh turning someone on is the last thing I expected. Though, I've been told before that I had a dirty/evil laugh. I don't know how that works.
So C's penis jumped up and he was quite handsome. He was training to be a fitness instructor so had some nice pecs and well, I wasn't going to refuse. Blame the alcohol if you want. So there we were, C and me kissing and hugging and letting hands flail around. Then he asked 'Do you like kisses in the ear?' I'm sorry, IN THE EAR? I mean, I can deal with ear nibbling and stuff but why on earth do you want to shove your tongue IN my ear? Needless to say, it didn't do anything for me, except make me think he was a weirdo.
If that wasn't bad enough, we were going at it (again, hands only) and he stopped again and said "Do you like anal?" I was like "No thank you, it's an exit only". To this, he replied "It's just me ex lass, she shoved her ass in me face one day and said go on and I was like what do you mean go on? And then I realised and I was like oh, really? It wasn't really something I enjoyed." What, a man who doesn't like anal, are you sure? I was but then we stopped for a while because well, I wasn't exactly excited after that. When we got going again, he was all "I want to bend you over". Clearly, he did enjoy anal. Shame, really.
So next time, my friends, you meet a beautiful lassie and you get the chance to give her some action, I suggest you don't ask about ear kissing, or anal, or even talk about your ex-girlfriend. Reason being, it's a total turn-off. As for C and me, we have spoken since, he said he didn't remember much. Maybe I'll forgive him, for his pecs and the eventualality, made up for it ;)
I went upstairs to use the bathroom when one of the bedroom doors opened and a guy was sitting on the floor. He startled me, but he said Hello and introduced himself. Let's call him C shall we? So C had been put into this bedroom, which had no working lights by A1 (not using names to protect identity). A1 had told C to calm down and stay in that room until he felt better, but C was bored and needed water which is why he opened the door when he heard me wandering around. So I went and got some water for C and sat down and started chatting to him.
We were chatting about Anime and if I, being a girl, had seen any. I told him that I had as my new housemate had introduced me to a few and my exes has shown me some as well. Then he started hugging me cause he was cold. I know that sounds like a ploy, but you have no idea how cold that house was. It was a big old victorian-style house with single glazing and heating that takes 400 hours to start working. So it was cold.
So there we were, C and I, in a room with no working lights, hugging and chatting. C was quite intoxicated (alcohol, you know?) and he was talking in a half-Irish, half-Scottish accent. He was telling me I was a "Beautiful Lass" with "Really smooth skin and smooth hair". I started laughing at him in his silly little accent and then he said "Oh no! I think me penis jumped up". This made me laugh even more, which made his 'penis jump' more. In all my life, a laugh turning someone on is the last thing I expected. Though, I've been told before that I had a dirty/evil laugh. I don't know how that works.
So C's penis jumped up and he was quite handsome. He was training to be a fitness instructor so had some nice pecs and well, I wasn't going to refuse. Blame the alcohol if you want. So there we were, C and me kissing and hugging and letting hands flail around. Then he asked 'Do you like kisses in the ear?' I'm sorry, IN THE EAR? I mean, I can deal with ear nibbling and stuff but why on earth do you want to shove your tongue IN my ear? Needless to say, it didn't do anything for me, except make me think he was a weirdo.
If that wasn't bad enough, we were going at it (again, hands only) and he stopped again and said "Do you like anal?" I was like "No thank you, it's an exit only". To this, he replied "It's just me ex lass, she shoved her ass in me face one day and said go on and I was like what do you mean go on? And then I realised and I was like oh, really? It wasn't really something I enjoyed." What, a man who doesn't like anal, are you sure? I was but then we stopped for a while because well, I wasn't exactly excited after that. When we got going again, he was all "I want to bend you over". Clearly, he did enjoy anal. Shame, really.
So next time, my friends, you meet a beautiful lassie and you get the chance to give her some action, I suggest you don't ask about ear kissing, or anal, or even talk about your ex-girlfriend. Reason being, it's a total turn-off. As for C and me, we have spoken since, he said he didn't remember much. Maybe I'll forgive him, for his pecs and the eventualality, made up for it ;)
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